Not so Christmas-sy...

Darn. My disk drive doesn't seem to be working. I wanted to save something I typed in a diskette, about gifts I got. Also, I prepared a wish list...They will have to wait, then.

Okay, I didn't really exert that much effort, but I did try to be merry this Christmas. But how can I do that when here and there, disaster strikes?...Please, pray for our Asian brothers and sisters. The recent tragedy is simply overwhelming. Please, include them in your prayers and your wishes...

Anyway, maybe I won't be able to log in again till next week so before I lose the chance to greet them, I still would like to greet each of my friends, Abby and Joey, a Happy Birthday :) Yes, let us try to still smile despite everything...

Well...

Typed something last night for posting here but decided not to. Too whine-y, now that I think about it. Anyway, at least I was able to log in today 'cause it's Sunday and since I was going to buy a copy of a national daily anyway, decided to come here for a while and read some stuff. Funny, but yesterday, I thought it was Friday until I saw the shows on TV and realized my mind was a day late!

Will probably post more one of these days. Until then, enjoy your holidays, kids! ;p

Okay, before I forget....

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!

I may not be able to log in for a while so don't be surprised if you don't feel my presence, he he....But I will log in one of these days (for sure, my inbox would be so full, but what the hey) and fill you in about my days and maybe add "junk stories/poems" to infiltrate your inboxes...and that's a threat!!!! ;p

*kisses and hugs*

~Li'l Dovey~

Before I go home...

I slept the whole morning today because I woke up not feeling good. My throat is all parched up for some reason. Then I bathed and then arranged the stuff I brought from our office (I resigned, remember?). Goodness. Can't believe I had all of those! Going home later.

Meanwhile, am here, going through e-mails. After, will go to mall to go to FedEx and send a gift to godson. Then I eat (haven't yet eaten breakfast nor lunch and I can feel the hunger now) and then head home carrying the loot (gifts, he he) I received. Haven't opened them.

"Partying" alone...

He he, not really. After the party, we left at 8 p.m.

I went to the mall to check out if they're showing Phantom of the Opera already. Cursed under my breath. No, it's not being shown, not today, not tomorrow, not in the very near future, it seems. Ugh! I hate that! So went to department store to buy gifts for my parents. A nice beaded bracelet for Mame and a cap for Dade. Took me an hour to find and choose.

Went to 711 after and bought a bottle of San Miguel Beer Light Pale Pilsen (whatever pale pilsen means, but hey, it's "low calorie"). OMG. I sound like I love to drink. I don't. I'm not even really a social drinker either. Probably will get drunk fast if I let it. But I'm just in this stupidly sad mood. Anyway, I'm here now renting a computer, checking out entries and typing down mine, listening to songs from Romeo et Julia - van Haat tot Liefde, all songs in Dutch, as if I understand. But I love the music. And I imagine myself as Veerle Casteleyn.

Will be going back to the boarding house in a few minutes.

Here partying...

Yep, I'm right here partying, meaning we ate lots, exchanged gifts, and are now doing videoke. Had to sing a Celine Dion song and was surprised I was able to "scream out" the parts very well. Drinking red wine a little bit. I don't really drink and I'm just sipping. The more daring part of me wants to get drunk. Of course, I won't. It's just it's my last day/afternoon at work and I really just want to make the most of it. I hope I don't cry later on when it's bye-bye time...

OMG. I think I'm a bit drunk already...

*scary*

Well, just bought gifts for my godchildren. Am now at a computer rentals shop...Just delaying the time that I'll tell my mother, "I resigned"...Going home after 15 minutes...


Hay, Advanced happy Birthday to Dennis and Jeffer!!!!!

Tests, tests...

Take the quiz: "Which Magical Dark Creature Are You?"

WereLeopard
You are a wereleopard. Very sensual and intense - dramatic even. You're fast, agile, graceful, strong, and you have kickass eyes. Very touch oriented - you need constant contact with other warm cozy people to be at peace. Playfull and furry no one will complain when you want a cuddle - or a little more. Okay or maybe even a lot more... Purrr for me baby.



Your element is Fire: Strong, hot tempered,
powerful, and passionate. Well now lets see,
being fire you are quite strong and powerful,
people look up to you greatly and often seek
your protection. You have the ability to gain
many friends and you are always one people can
count on to do what you say you will do. You
are extremely loyal be it friends or family
you'll stick up for them and you are never
willing to put them in a position that could
hurt them. You know what roll you play in life,
leader, and you intend to let people know it.
Not everyone is capable of leadership but you
certainly have the willpower and flare to do
it. You have quite a temper if it shows itself,
one that can often lead you into trouble. Once
your mind is made up there is no changing it
but no one said that was a bad thing.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla


Well, aren't I consistent!

No Vacancy

Some Christmas this is turning out to be.

This has got to be one of the worse, if not the worst, Christmases ever in my entire adult life. So far. Just when I thought there would be no chance of Christmas becoming "bad" anymore.

Wrong.

These past days, my Miss Hyde has been popping here and there to distract me. And why not? It's almost 2005 and what have I really proved to myself? I have come to know myself more, yes, but that is hardly comforting or reassuring, to say the least. So far, all I've really felt these days sum it all up in one word - INADEQUATE. 'Cause that's what I feel, inadequate...

...as a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a relative, a neighbor, a godmother, a friend.

...as a writer, a poet, an artist, a professional.

...as an advocate, a member of society, a girl/woman/female.

...as a Filipino.

...as a human being.

Yes, I know, I'm allowed not to be perfect. But I don't want to use that excuse. Can't I just be adequate enough for once? That will probably suffice for the perfectionist in me. Just this once, please give me that. Why does our world always have to hang in a balance? Why can't it just stay on a platform where it's safer?

Yes, I also know that. If it does that, then the world will have to come to a stop. Then what? I'm just wishful thinking, I guess. I wish there is a way to let the world keep turning without any danger of falling...Like I said, wishful thinking.

Please, bring back my optimism, even just this Christmas. If I can't have that, then let me sulk for a change. Move over, happiness. There's just one emotion that my heart can accommodate today. No vacancy, sorry.

My world seems much too small these days. Small, and hanging on a balance.

A word from Shakespeare

"To bait fish withal It will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge. He hath disgraced me, and hindered me half a million, laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies. And what's his reason? 

I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? 

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? 

If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction."

- Shylock, from "The Merchant of Venice" by William Shakespeare.

No, I am not a Jew, and this is not really about being a Jew, or being a Christian or Muslim or any other religion. This is about equality. Go pass the actual words and read between the lines. You will see the message quite clearly - We are all humans.

But being humans, we tend to forget and we seek and destroy each other and the world. Sometimes, I think the world is better off without us.

Stop this world, I wanna get off.

I Dreamed a Dream

From The Mind Unleashed's "10 Things You Didn't Know About Lucid Dreaming"

 Really curious...

Do you ever have dreams like you're in the movies? Not like watching a movie you've seen, but like being in one, even if you only realize it when you awake. I have these all the time! Complete with stars I either know or have never seen (or I can't even see the faces). The stars don't even have to be people I like nor hate and I'm always surprised why they come up in my dreams at all. Sometimes I wake up and realize "Hey, that's an idea!" and I wish I could write them.

They have their own plots! I mean, it's been said that often, dreams have something to do with the dreamer's state at the moment (problematic, etcetera), but sometimes, the dreams really have nothing to do with me at all, hard as I try to interpret! It's like I write them in my dreams! I just wish the plots are much clearer and sensible, though, ha ha! Maybe I could actually create one script. I've heard that some music artists compose songs in their dreams, so...I'm just saying this because the other night, I had a funny li'l dream. It wasn't that clear at the start, rather weird, but it soon became more "plot-driven".

It was a fantasy-comedy thing, maybe in the tradition of Ella Enchanted. The protagonist was an Afro-American "actress" but I'm not sure if she even exists in the real world at all. Her brother in the dream, I now remember, was Chris Tucker with long hair, LOL!!!! Exasperated by him, she stormed off then missed seeing her soon-to-be love interest, another Afro-American who was rather on the heavy side and with long hair, too. Maybe I've seen him before. She missed seeing him aboard a tricycle (a vehicle in the Philippines, ha ha! Research on it on the Net) with a little girl, his sister, who seemed Filipino. 

Then the woman was in the house, our house, and opened what we call our old kitchen which looked like a storage room (it does look like it anyway). There were old stuff that magically moved and talked and said something like going somewhere where all the others who were like them were! And then there was a Caucasian man I couldn't even recognize because he was covered in dirt and dust together with the stuff in the "storage room". The woman got more exasperated by the man and the stuff and stormed off again...

Then I woke up and was disappointed I didn't get to see the whole thing! Ha ha ha!!!!! And it's funny that dream psychologists or analysts or whatever you call them say that dreams almost always are in black and white. But my dream was in full color!!!! Really funny!!! Most of my "movie" dreams are often in color, though this was the clearest I ever had.

Oh, man...Well, anyway, one can actually tell oneself s/he is dreaming, I just need practice. So I will practice and then plot the whole thing in my dream. I will certainly search data on dream manipulations...Cool, huh?

What I Am

I have been thinking. With all the things that are happening around me, where do I stand? I have heard that it is better to have an opinion than none at all. I guess apathy can kill, if not the body, then the soul, and a dead soul is not worth living at all. So I've listed down and contemplated on my positions.

What I am is...

ANTI-WAR. I don't think that anyone actually likes war. Only, there are those who do what they do out of honor, duty, nationalism, or pure faith. Unfortunately, there are also those who do what they do out of ignorance, revenge, misplaced pride, or plain fanaticism. Mostly, wars are caused by those who only want a bigger slice of the world-cake.

PRO-PEACE. People go to war because they refuse to meet half-way and reach a compromise.

ANTI-HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION. Do I actually need to explain why?

PRO-WOMEN'S LIB. I am so, not because I am female, but because I am human. Make me a man and I still would be pro-Women's Lib. Sad to say, there are countries that still do not recognize the importance of women in society and treat women as second-class citizens. You'd think people came from their fathers' wombs!

ANTI-ABORTION. This is where I draw the line. I think that while women do have the right to decide what to do with their own lives, it does not, in any way, include killing the helpless and innocent. What it is is premeditated killing. There's a word for that - MURDER. Of course, I realize that there are isolated cases that this would be necessary. But that's just it, they are isolated.

PRO-GAY/LESBIAN RIGHTS. Just because you're different from them, it does not make you better or more human. Why can't we just accept that? Straight or not, we all belong to the same species and, therefore, have equal rights as humans. In the end, it really is not up to us to make the final judgment on how an individual fared as a human. Only his/her God holds that right.

ANTI-CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. Yes, cliche, but it is "against God's law". Or if you'll prefer to keep religion out of it, I still say no to capital punishment. I always put myself in the shoes of the accused. What if I know in my heart that I'm innocent, but someone powerful decides to frame me? What if because of that, I cannot, in anyway, prove my innocence? I am innocent but will be dead, anyway...

Let's face it. The Laws of Man, being that of man, is not always just. And come to think of it, let's say the accused is guilty beyond reasonable doubt. The family and friends of the victim get their revenge, with the intent of sending him to death. Isn't that simply making murder legal? So what do we have laws for? The point is lost. It is stretched to a line that we can break if the judicial system allows it.

ANTI-RACISM. All of us have our own biases. I, for one, fall into that trap once in a while. I say things that, I later on realize, smack of racism. But that is the first step, to realize that we are still somewhat racist or, at least, we just maybe wrong. What is important is we keep an open mind and accept that not everyone is like us and will probably remain so forever, that there can also be beauty in diversity.

 
These are my stand on things. If you don't approve, then tough luck for me. If you do, then tough luck on those who don't. Everyone to his/her own opinion. You may love it, you may hate it, but don't go pushing your ideas down another's throat when you know he does not want to swallow your pill. No amount of forcing will do you good if it is not welcome. Do, then just watch him regurgitate it.


These are my opinions and I will not push them down your throat. I just don't want the more bitter pill called "Apathy".

Shoot

From the movie Ratatouille

 A certain Ernie's first post in my Filipino writing group:

> > > O most illustrious of thinking and feeling creatures,
> > >
> > > I have been lurking by the sidelines reveling in your
> > commentaries, drinking in the colors and shades of your
> > brainchildren. This phenomenon was long time coming, that the
> > Filipino creative soul should stir and be finally unmuzzled. May
> > our tribe increase and be a long line of free thinkers and free
> > creators of art without the artifice and having only truth as our
> > standard and reason for being. With this rationale, please accept
> > my offering...(he posts a poem)

Good enough intro for me. Seems like a nice enough guy. So I replied with:

> > Welcome, Lurker Ernie :p Glad to finally be able to read a part of
> > your soul. Very nice!

And I meant it! The poem was very nice. His reply:

"You're very kind and generous with your welcome. Although I was hoping for a more detailed reaction/critique, you had been the the very first to respond for which I am very grateful."

Okay, still nice enough, but there was that bit of scolding that I should've done better than say "Very nice!" I dunno what else he wanted me to say. I'm not so good with commenting on poems, that's the truth. I only know if I like it. Maybe it would've been better if I said it sucked? But anyway, I let it pass.

Now, his comment for someone else's poem:

"Ka Robert,
I find 'if only' the fascinating disjointed ramblings of a mind twice burnt now stranded by fear of making a choice. But then again if it is just adolescent remorse- get over it."

Is it me or is this guy starting to stink? Now, his comment about my OBSESSION...

"Yo Li'l Dove,
'Obsession' is like an exercise on the unbridled use of adjectives, too much information too soon. You need to hold back and tantalize your reader with just enough to whet his appetite for details. Then again if you just were aiming to write a forgettable Harlequin pulp love story copy, then ignore this counsel."

Alright, I appreciate his comments, really, I do. But you know, it's the way he said it. I am really starting to feel a "Hey, ain't I great" attitude here. It's like he didn't write that first post...Next:

"Yo, Melissa,
It is indeed beautiful, this Ed Labadia version of Desiderata in Tagalog. Knowing the limitations of our national language, he did a remarkable work of translation although one feels it is of the Balagtas variety rather than the more current Liwayway. The challenge still remains for the Filipino poet to create something original in a living language that will rejoice in a revelation of truth rather than perpetuate obscurity."

Okay, not really a bad comment, but having read his other comments, I feel like this guy thinks he is this excellent writer and some sort of authority. Well, maybe he is, but you know, while we're not looking for sugar-coating, maybe a little more respect is needed although I must say he's presently much tamer.I've seen this type of behavior in other groups before so I shudder to think he'll be "showing" the same stinker in my group!

I really hope he leaves...

More tests to prove I'm human...

Have to post this fast before they turn off the server...

You Are From Venus

You love all forms of beauty. You love dressing up and anything luxurious. A social butterfly, you're incredibly popular and a great host. You're known for your fairness and affection. And as a frind to all. Careful though! You're desire to please may make you too willing to conform. Be yourself. Focus on what matters to you. You'll be all the more popular for it.

What Planet Are You From?

WARNING: This is not posted to rile up any pro- nor anti-Bush out there...I wonder if this next one is true of me though...

Threat rating: High. The Bush administration is
concerned that it may not get a second term.
Therefore, we are going to change the rules so
that each Democrat vote only counts as 0.2
votes because Democrat is a shorter word than
Republican

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I tried adding another test but Multiply can't seem to be able to show it, I dunno...

Jobs Ha(u)nting Me

Okay, here's the thing. I have not really sent any job applications yet. I should, I know, especially because the job opportunities are actually coming to me instead of just me looking for them!!! Well, shoot, I make it sound like I'm so in demand. Not exactly. But I feel like they are being served to me on a platter.

Job Opportunity #1: There's a scriptwriting workshop that one TV network is sponsoring. If your application gets accepted and you pass the interview, you're in and will be under the training of a very good and well-respected writer. Also, you are assured of a job in the network after the workshop.

But the thing is, I have heard that being a scriptwriter isn't as easy as simply writing. I heard it last year from someone who worked for the network as creative consultant. At the time, we were both attending a scriptwriting workshop under another respected writer. At the same time last year, the TV network already did this kind of workshop I mentioned but since I still had a job (well, still has, but that's not the point) and I was presently completing the workshop I was in, I didn't try. Anyway, I found out that two people I worked with in our college paper joined last year and are now writing for the network. Both are in my Friendster list so I sent one of them a mail asking direct questions, begging for direct answers.

She - let's call her "O" - did answer directly. "O" does love her work now, and the pay is good when you have a project, but she did explain to me everything, especially it being not stable and the conditions. What I found out discouraged me. The network, being the sponsor, does have the right to give those conditions, but I don't think I can handle them. If I did try to join (deadline for application was the other day) and got in, and if I do decide to go through the workshop and then quit the offered job afterwards, the conditions would be so much against me that I might lose more opportunities.

So yes, I am foregoing that opportunity.

Job Opportunity #2: Got text message from a friend - let's call her "C" - today, saying she and "O" will be taking film classes this semester under this well-known director ("O" will also take scriptwriting classes) and would I like to do so also? So I told her that as much as I would like to, I can't because I'm on my way to bumsville. She asked me why I didn't join the workshop I mentioned earlier so I said I didn't like the conditions. But anyway, she mentioned about the network looking for researchers. I think that one, I will try, but will have to see if they have strict conditions about that, too.

 Job Opportunity #3: A friend - let's call her "W" - who will soon work for a rival network (well, she has been somehow connected with them for sometime now), told me they are looking for writers or maybe researchers, too. It's not announced in the site so "W" volunteered to bring my resume here for me. She hasn't come back yet, so I'm not sure. I'm not blaming her, though. "W" must have forgotten and I don't want to bother her as she's in the middle of resigning also. Can't send application through e-mail because I don't know where to send as, like I said, they have not announced it online.

Job Opportunity #4: Having learned of my resignation, my friend from the Student Affairs Office gave me a name and an e-mail address. This person to be contacted works at yet another rival network. Will e-mail. This is probably going to be the easiest (in terms of the network job-thingies) as first, this person actually asked my friend to make me send a resumé.

Job Opportunity #5: This is the most different but probably the most sure job that I might get. I am part of a group that is trying to build a school for performance and creative arts that will cater to underprivileged kids. As we created this first online, and as I have only attended the two-day meeting and not the others, I haven't met some of the other people yet. Anyway, in our e-group, I posted a message stating my "case" and asked if they knew of any job openings. One guy actually said "I am always on the look out for new teachers"! Turns out he is Vice Chair of the Communication Department or something of a well-known private school! The better part is my degree fits their need because they need people who will teach communication theories, etcetera! The best part is, he said the only requirement he needs is for me to have a degree, and I do!!!! Wow, isn't that grand?

I think I'm almost in. Still not counting too much on it, but hey, it was the Vice Chair himself who invited me...OMG...I'm going to be a teacher...Wake me!


So you see what I meant by the jobs being served to me? They're just...there! I think I will take the part-time teaching job and get another job. These opportunities will actually give me more time to sleep and more time to do other things that I?ve been rearing to do, like join other kinds of workshops or even visit museums.

Okay, now, I really have to start sending my resume!!!

Oh, Shoot!!!...Follow Up

"Sorry, everyone for my past posts (except the last one which was for the Cove). I thought I was posting my Broadway group!!!...Dang!"


ONE DAY AFTER: I'm confused. In my group, they did get posted. But when I checked the "Messages" section, it said the messages were posted for everyone, no mention of the group at all.

Please, anyone, did any of you get those messages intended for the group, those with these titles: Welcome..., Getting to know... ?

Calm indifference, anyone?

I have been reading sad posts these past days. Then John said something like pebbles creating ripples and this poem came to mind. For all of us...

SANG-FROID

Still as water, the heart learns
the art of false serenity.

Each stone casts ripples upon ripples
upon placid emotions.

Each stone with its jagged edges
each, cutting, sinking.

Density has no meaning.
Depth is not a question.

Only calm indifference.

Yet...

As the water turns murky,
     as the water overflows,
          as the water runs dry..

Perhaps, it will cast its own ripples.

For the moment, there is only agitation
in tranquility.

Sang-froid, indeed.

Copyright © December 2001 By lildovefeather

Finally!!!

This is darker than The Smirk. Kicking off the goody-two-shoes now... ;p

Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
May

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.


Stubborn (as a bull? yeah, yeah, yeah. Rotten stereotype)...Hard-hearted (wrong, dude)... Strong-willed and highly motivated (trying to be)...Sharp thoughts (sometimes) ...Easily angered (next, please!)...Attracts others and loves attention (are you talking about me?!!!)...Deep feelings (unfortunately)...Beautiful physically (wishing) and mentally (dunno about that)...Firm standpoint (most of the time)...Needs no motivation (depends)...Easily consoled (seems to be right)...Systematic (on occasions)...Loves to dream (yup)...Strong clairvoyance (kinda, when things get a bit weirder)...Sickness usually in the ear and neck (kinda, could be coincidental)... Good imagination (*smile*)...Loves literature and the arts (*wide smile*)... Loves traveling (would love to but not much chance)...Dislike being at home (on the contrary...)...Restless (a bit)...Not having many children (uh, I wouldn't know yet)...Hardworking (but not when unappreciated)...High spirited (he he...sometimes no)...Spend-thrift (kinda but when I really want something, I let go)...

Necessary Changes

"Dear Atty. ____________,

It is with utmost (insert word here, dunno what to use yet) that I tender my resignation.

For more than five years, __________ has been my second home. For that, I thank the whole institution for accepting me into its folds.

Through the years, I have witnessed _________ grow. I would like to think that in my own little ways, I have contributed to its growth. However, I feel that now is the time for new changes in my personal life. I feel that I have done my part and must now move on to let others do theirs.

There is a personal need for me to find a field more suitable to my background. Moreover, I would like to grow as a writer as well. ________, sad to say, is not the proper venue for that. I remember what Dr.___________, himself, told me when he interviewed us at the President's Office back in early 20__. He had asked all of us about our future plans and aspirations. I told him I was going to be a writer. To this, he said, "You should do it as early as now." Those were simple words, but wise. I now intend to follow his advice.

It is, thus, that I tend my resignation. For the school to have ample time to find a replacement, and for myself to settle accounts and unfinished work, I then ask that termination of my contract starts in January.

Again, my gratitude for the opportunities ________ has given me. It has been my pleasure to have served _________ in return.

Thank you.

Respectfully,

(my name)"


*Now, all I gotta do is find the right time to submit the letter this week and when to tell my mother. She won't be mad (after all, I'm not the breadwinner), but she's going to be worried.

"LOVING"

I...absolutely have no idea where the original post went. It was some result for one of those tests you took just for fun, unless you're to gullible to believe everything. Keeping this here, though, because of the comments thread :)

WILL AND TESTAMENT

Maybe weird, maybe morbid to some, but I think I'll start writing my will and testament again (because I always plan this but never finish). Not last, just will and testament. Not last because for sure, it's going to have lots of revisions, as always.

As far as I know, I'm not dying yet. But hey, you can never know when your time really is (unless you're psychic, but even that's not accurate). I'm having these thoughts because of My Late Classmate Chris, Rio Diaz (Filipino celebrity), and Superman Christopher Reeve. And I think it can be part of what I said I could do TODAY. I just want to be sure that if ever I suddenly die, there will be a will to be followed and carried out. No, I don't have treasures. I have real treasures, the kind that really mean much to me.

Now, the problem is how to go about "legalizing" it...Hmnn...I think I'll sign it then leave it somewhere they can find when I'm gone. And then I'll leave a note with all my e-mail addresses and on-line IDs and passwords. Don't want my on-line buddies to wonder where the heck I've been ;p

I think it's a great idea.

*Smirk!*

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And since I'm too awesome, kindly (translation: please, please, please!)
check out my "Market" list. Maybe you can help me? *smirk*

God(dess) of Light

Take the quiz: "Which God or Goddess are you?"

God of Light
Innocent and a bit shy, but pure and clear at the same time. You are one half of the true god, combing light with darkness makes the whole world live. You tend to do whatever is going on, go with the flow, ya know?

Hmnn...There seems to be a trend somewhere...I LOVE this quizzes! They make me look good (when I'm not, LOL!!!)...BUT, excuse me, I don't "tend to do whatever is going on". I am an individual and I like being an invidual. Hmp.

What really matters

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." Regardless of race, gender, beliefs and religion, we all end up the way we began. It is, however, the "to" that matters the most, that space between yesterday and tomorrow - TODAY. How do you live your life today? How many lives have you touched? Do you fail and sulk, or do you fail and still manage to love life? Are you a humble winner, or are you a winner in need of a lesson in humility?

Two people recently reminded me of the importance of "today".

One was someone I had known almost all my life but never really met. Five years of battling cancer finally caught up with her. There was no getting around it. Death is a painful process for both the grieving and the one they lose, no matter how prepared they think they are. Yet, she did more than prepare. She committed the last years of her life not to bitterness but to better-ness, to a life with more meaning. She held her own faith in her heart and gave love and hope and maybe faith again to those who needed them. She was not selfish and gave help even to people she did not know.

The other one was someone who, for a brief time, touched my life in his own, unknowing way. He was a classmate in high school, Freshman year, and left after the second. He was killed recently...The other day, I cut out an article about him. At first, I found it a bit funny - funny in a strange way - that the only chance I got to learn more about him again was through an article in the papers about his death. There, loved ones and friends recounted how his life had been. And somehow, I smiled, because at least, he had been a good person to merit the admiration and adoration of many people. It's just a pity. He would've made it to our high school reunion next December. Maybe he would've come.

They are just examples of people who made a difference, and there in lies the difference - What you do TODAY. I am not sure what difference I, myself, can make. I just know I will try.

You've Been Touched by an Angel ;p

Here's what Li'l Dove is all about!...He he he!!!


The Angel. Born of light and goodness, you care for
all others as that is your destiny. Some think
you can be taken advantage of, but you know
that all need to be cared for at sometime.


What is the Dominant Inner being within You?
brought to you by Quizilla


By the way, we had an earthquake again last night, an hour after I had a very nice chat with my friend Butterfly...Well, if I died, at least I'd be an angel by now ;p

Oh, I just HAD to post this!

Due to my being a Drama Queen last night, someone wrote this very beautiful poem for me. I'm not editing anything because I'd like to preserve its "freshness." He sent me this exactly right after creating the draft. So yes, I'm Gracie...sometimes...he he...Please don't spread around as I don't really have his permission. It is, after all, still his poem. 

comfort

(written for gracie, right now)

then let me plant kisses
soft and tenderly
on the forehead of your soul
and brush away
loose strands
of errant laughing hair
from your dark
and exotic eyes

let me hold your soul
in the crook of my shoulder
and humm to it
soft notes
crooning tunes
ancient songs
long since learned
at my mothers knee

know now and know well
that no danger threatens
no clouds gather
that cannot be dismissed
through a brave smile
and steady friend
regardless of distance
or miles away

Copyright © Craig Murray

MURDER

Treacherous daggers,
sharp and utterly vicious,
once again plunge deep
from behind my weary soul,
searching for that sea of damned emotions.

They seek to break my resolve,
destroy my spirit, and go for the final kill.

Only to find my silence,
but my soul cries murder.



Copyright © October 2004 by lildovefeather

 

So much easier

Why is it so much easier to be angry than to say sorry? So much easier to lose your head and shout instead of holding back? No weapon hurts more than bladed words that cut deepest in a fit of anger, yet not meant to wound. But wound hearts, they do. These wounds, they do not completely heal long after the battle has ended, wounds that shall once again open in the course of another battle. In the end, no one wins the battle, and no one will ever win the war. And we glance at each other with quiet desperations.

CD/VCD/DVD/Cassette Tape of Romeo and Juliet - The Musical

Category:

Music & Movies

I prefer the recording of the Belgian version of R&J entitled Romeo en Julia - van Haat tot Liefde. This has Veerle Casteleyn and Davey Gilles.

If not, a VCD or DVD of the French version, Romeo et Juliette - de la Haine à ¬'Amour starring Damien Sargue and Cecilia Cara.

Update: I just heard that there is a DVD of the Belgian production, so I would prefer that. If it's only the Netherlands Tour (sans Veerle but with Jennifer Van Brenk), still A-OK!

TODAY

Today, I edited an already existing ad of the school which is supposed to be included in the souvenir program of a convention. Oh, man, I can feel the stress around my shoulders and neck now. Feel soooo tired. Got into a little argument about it with OM (OM) almost the moment I arrived. She just has the habit of doing that, and I just have to have the habit of answering back. 

Since last week, I expected that everyone - from her to the College of __________ to the agency artist who created the ad - would be washing their hands off the issue (the ad being a bit late) and try to blame it all on me when none of it was my fault. In fact, I offered to create a new ad days ago because I realized the urgency of the matter, but everyone had a selfish excuse not to let me. But anyway, as always, I actually did well. Bottomline was, the President agreed with me and approved the ad lay-out that I edited. 

Oh, but it was fun making OM suffer quietly! :D [Ed. As of 2016, we are already okay, have been for many years]...My only problem now is the artist who still does not know that his edited version got rejected on account of he was asking to be paid again. He disappointed me big time. I'm prepared for his reaction. Sometimes, you just have to draw the line between friendship and business.

Today, as usual, I forgot breakfast. Ate rice and ten pieces of itsy-bitsy meatballs. The other ten, I reserved for the evening which I downed with coffee. Naturally, I still got hungry after dinner so I ordered a burger and bottled water.

Today, I didn't see Ma'm Monnette, the Artistic Director. She said before that she would be talking to Sir Bobby (School President) about the theater arts company and Joseph. So I'm still a bit in the dark and don't know what move to do next.

Today, I learned a Dutch term -> "Dank je". Thank you. Or if you use www.freetranslations.com, "You thanks"....Ha ha haaaaa!!!!

Today, as usual, another Officemate was doing her funny antics. Tonight, though, before she went home, she wanted to cry so much, especially when I remarked about her not talking to her husband who was in the office earlier. I asked if they were "at war" again. She said yes. Surprisingly, she confessed the problem to me. Well, I tried to give good advice. She won't be heeding them anytime soon, though. Pride.

Today, I kept mulling about the phrase "cute as a button". I mean, of course, I know what it means somehow, but what is it about a button, really, to merit special mention in such a phrase? So tonight, I Googled it.

From http://members.aol.com/MorelandC/NeedOriginsData.htm :
"Cute as a button
Meaning: To be very cute.
Example: The new beetle is cute as a button."

From Dictionary.com
"cute as a button
Also, cute as a bug's ear. Pretty or attractive in a dainty way, as in That baby is cute as a button. Cute originally was a shortening of acute, for sharp-witted and clever, but in the early 1800s it also took on its current meaning. Other than that buttons and bug's hearing organs can be small, there is no good explanation for these similes."

Oh, well, still do not explain the origin of this phrase. But I'll find out eventually. You will find I'm very persevering when I want to achieve something ;p

So how was your day?

Presenting...FIDO BOB!!!

This morning, the driver of the tricycle I boarded was Fido Bob. "Bob" because I can't remember his name and I think this suits "Fido", which isn't just for dogs but my own version of "Pido", my own short term for - (*gulp*) - pedophile!!! Yup, he is. Or was, maybe, though I'm not sure. When I was a freshman in high school, on my first days, my mom used to accompany me to the city proper early in the morning so I could board a jeepney bound to Los Banos, a town an hour away, where my school was. Fido Bob worked as a barker, someone who called out to people, urging them to ride the vehicles (in that case, jeepneys). He was short, just about my height, maybe even a bit shorter. He was in his late 20's already, I gathered. 

Since he was from our own barrio (don't know exact translation, but maybe, a small community or village) and we knew him, my mom started entrusting me to him. So I started to go to the city alone and he would always be there smiling. He would put an arm on my shoulder and lead me to the jeepney. I felt awkward having his arm on me but said nothing and just smiled because, you know, he was just being friendly. One time, he asked me how old I was. I said thirteen. He was a bit surprised. I think he thought I was a bit older (I was conservative then so maybe I looked older). Nevertheless, my age would still have been that of a high schooler.

One day, once the jeepney was almost full, he did what was very unusual. He sat beside me. I was surprised. Barkers were not supposed to sit there and generally, they were left behind. But that day, he went with me. During the hour-long travel, he had his arm at my back. I was so scared! Being young and, not to mention, afraid, I sort of tried to keep his arm just there by keeping it trapped between the seat and my back. Maybe not a good thing, maybe it gave him the wrong message, but I wanted to keep it there so that his hands would not go anywhere else. Good thing, too, that I had a sweater on so he really could not "go" anywhere, and I had a large bag that I hugged. Some people were looking at us but maybe, in disbelief, they thought I liked him. But I was sure I was turning crimson from embarrassment and shivering in fright. He kept talking to me a bit and I kept answering meekly and in little words. Once, he told me, "Why are you wearing that sweater? Take it off, it's warm." I said no.

Once we got to Los Banos, I feared that he would go with me. Fortunately, he just said, "I'll see you later, okay?" I just nodded. I'm surprised I didn't fall going down with my knees weak and all. Goodness! I was afraid the whole day! I dreaded the time that school would be out because that would mean that he would be at the Crossing waiting for me, perhaps. I kept imagining myself being dragged somewhere and being raped! I'm sorry, but that was the truth, that was what I felt at the time. I dared not tell anyone, though. I was a little relieved when he wasn't at the Crossing. However, I was still worried that he would be waiting for me in the city...Thank goodness, he wasn't.

The next day, he was smiling at me and greeted me. I was still afraid. And angry. One thing about me. I don't like being afraid. When I am, one of my defense mechanisms is anger. I guess worrying about him the whole night fueled that anger more. I ignored him and went up inside the jeepney, stomping my foot. Like a concerned lover, he asked me, "Are you mad at me?" I said, "NO!" angrily. This went on for days. I realized that in his mind, he probably thought I liked him just because I was nice to him. And I had a feeling he was telling the other guys this, or worse, that we had an understanding already. Then, he probably thought that my feelings were hurt because he didn't fulfill his promise, that he would be at the Crossing to pick me up. Well, I didn't care. I just kept scowling at him and stomping. If that was what it took to keep him away from me, so be it. Months later, in a conversation with my cousins, I found out something shocking. He is known in our community as a peeping tom...WHOAH!!!

So okay, more than ten years later, he sees me again. Sometimes, it's his tricycle that I get to board. Like many other drivers from our place, he asks me questions, too, like "Where do you go to school?" (I imagine he is perplexed because simple arithmetic tells him I shouldn't be. I do look younger than my age most of the times and people mistake me for a co-ed). He may ask me the same questions, but I know he still has it for me because when he asked if I was already married, I noticed a certain hopeful look that he tried to hide. Well, sorry for him. I am now more mature and stronger and not anymore naive. If he so tries to do something, he'll find I'm not the same girl I was more than ten years ago. And I'm now taller. And I can fake karate! Wa-chaaa!!!! ;p

So young...

Just thirty-minutes ago, my friend Colette sent me a text message. Our batchmate in high school, Chris, is dead. It was in the news. Chris was my classmate during my Freshman year. He left two years after.

He was ambushed. Murdered is the more appropriate term. Perhaps, as a broadcast journalist, he angered one or some of the powers-that-be. I wonder how these people can ever sleep at night...

So I will simply and always remember Chris as that thin, gangly, rich kid. He was energetic and had brains and was popular. He wasn't one to befriend every person, but he wasn't a snob either. He often had a ready smile. Mostly, I will always remember that once upon a time, I had a crush on the kid I nicknamed "Missy".

I'm not really sad as if I lost somebody dear. I'm just sad because another life was lost through violence and senseless causes. A young life at that.

Two girls beating our own drums

I tried to encourage. I tried to urge. I tried to inspire. I tried to impart knowledge and wisdom. I tried to make them see the logic behind it. I tried to push. I tried to shove. I tried to cajole, to force, to threaten! I TRIED, I TRIED, I TRIED! So what did I get? A big, fat, flat NOTHING. Ma'm Monet was right when she said, "We are just two girls beating our own drums". Indeed we are. If things don't work out by next week, Joseph can bid his amazing technicolor dreamcoat adieu! Well, at least, for this year, as the President said. But how can I be sure of that?

What would you do if your Dance Director, however nice to work with, keeps changing rehearsal schedules? What would you do if your Student Assistant Director has real problems of his own (and I don't blame him, mind you) to attend to? What would you do if students from another school seem more interested in joining your musical than your own students who do nothing but complain and be absent during rehearsals? What would you do if your Chorale Director, after how many months, now tells you the Chorale can't do it due to prior commitments which the school didn't even know about in the first place? What would you do if you have an official who pretends he is for us but is most likely against us, too happy of our downfall because he feels threatened in some way?

Tell me, please, 'cause I sure as hell don't know. Can somebody tell me what I am still doing here?

A whole lotta shakin'

September 16, 2004
3:10 a.m.
Upper Deck
Double-Deck Bed
Boarding House
Somewhere in Manila

I just finished editing my Veerle-page for my webpage and got totally clueless what happened to the Lea Salonga pic in my Lea-page. That was actually about 30 minutes ago, same time one of my roommates, the one who sleeps at my lower deck, arrived "home." I then started writing happily away the intro to my webpage (finally). After a while, when I thought she was sound asleep already, the bed began moving and shaking. I rolled my eyes.

It's my roommate at the lower deck, probably intentionally scratching her legs or something, making sure she disturbed me in the process, wanting to annoy me because she couldn't sleep, which she would probably blame on my itsy-bitsy light, which, if you happened to see where it was located and how little the light actually was, would make you say she's nuts! She was probably trying to annoy me, like the night before (only the scenario was rather different) to send the message loud and clear: TURN THE LIGHT OFF AND GO TO SLEEP!!! Huh! I let her scratch herself to death. I had been very giving and considerate long enough. It should work both ways...But man, was she a scratcher! It had been almost a minute already and she still hadn't shown any sign of giving up. If anything, the shaking was even stronger! I wondered if her scratches would bleed already!

And then, I just realized it when she started to say, "Ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod, it's shaking..." It wasn't her! Freakin' NOT Miss I-can't-sleep-because-I-just-got-home-much-later-than-you-and-I-need-you-to-turn-your-light-off-pronto!!!... It was an earthquake!!!! Eeps!!! No wonder!!!....

Everyone woke up kind of afraid and I, finally turning off my laptop and trying to hold on to something, silly me, was smiling sheepishly at the most inappropriate time!

I tell you, everytime, these quakes catch me at the wrong moments. Or maybe I should say right...So I'm thankful I still end up safe and blessed, by the way. No complaining here. Not on this part of the bed, anyway. :)

Tired, happy, and sleepy...and wishing to have SANG-FROID

I am actually tired and sleepy right now. I attended the planning-workshop for the School and I actually got tired! Not that I was that much help, but hey, I tried. It's nice to meet new friends who actually also share your passion for the arts. More passionate even, and driven. Abbe, the "creator" and now President of the School, is exactly that. The most fun part was planning the hard launch which will either be in January or February. If this works, man, this is gonna be one heck of a big thing!!!...We meet within these two weeks, depending on everybody's schedules. I'm actually spreading the news and asking people to come and help us found it. I think we need all the help we can get...

Well, like I said, I'm tired, but the weekend was a far better experience than what I mostly did the whole week. Everyday, I opened the newspapers not only to read, but actually work, cut out some clippings. Unfortunately, I got to read more than what I really wanted to know...

A drug addict went up a 30-foot pedestrian bridge. Jumped, deliberately missing the blanket people thought could save him. He survived the jump, breaking his legs only. But the people ganged up on him. Why? He jumped carrying his one-year-old son. The baby fell head first. Dead.

In Russia, terrorists killed the innocent. I do not know how doing so can ever help make things right.

In Indonesia, a powerful blast in front of the Australian Embassy. As I've only read about it in today's papers, I have no additional knowledge yet of why exactly it was done. Only speculations read. But it doesn't matter why. I do not want lame excuses. Mostly, they're just lame freakin' excuses!

A father, the other day, accused of raping his daughter. Maybe one day, in Wikipedia, someone will define "father" as an "incestuous bastard". Of course, 95% of fathers aren't and are actually good like my own father, but my goodness, doesn't it make you want to just sentence those S.O.B.'s to death and be done with it? That, from someone who does not like Capital Punishment. Evil does breed evil, I guess...I'm sorry.

For once, I want to feel numbed. I don't want to feel anything...

SANG-FROID

Still as water, the heart learns
the art of false serenity.

Each stone casts ripples upon ripples
upon placid emotions.

Each stone with its jagged edges
each, cutting, sinking.

Density has no meaning.
Depth is not a question.

Only calm indifference.

Yet...

As the water turns murky,
as the water overflows,
as the water runs dry...

Perhaps, it will cast its own ripples.

For the moment, there is only agitation
in tranquility.

Sang-froid, indeed.


Copyright © December 2001 by lildovefeather


Ho-hummm!!! I am soooo tired! Tonight, when I go home, I'll just wash up, ignore my desires to stay up and try to write something, and hit the sack. Snore even. ;p

"Vanity...My favorite sin..."

...That was according to Al Pacino's character in Devil's Advocate. Well, since I've been accused of being vain anyway, let's let Li'l Dove get into character.

I'm feeling very vain right now...I just found the international site where five poems of mine got included! Wooohoooo!!! They included three of them in another of their Internet imprint (because it "came out" first and I submitted my stuff before I did the others). I actually already knew about it because I was informed they would come out July. But I kept searching for the site to no avail while the imprint had been very available already. Last night, as I always do, I Googled my name and voila! There it was! The "issue" was an August "issue", the summer and anniversary "issue" (I keep saying "issue" because I dunno what to call it if it's not a publication on paper, he he)...It's so nice because while I'm not doing well in the job department due to undesirable people, I am starting to do well in the writing department, getting-published-wise.

I have joined three discussion groups. Funny because I just deleted my membership on some! Well, these are cooler 'cause I can actually communicate with other artists, particularly Filipinos. I joined an Artists Forum which spawned a writing group and introduced me to people interested in serving the youth. The latter was created because one of the artists expressed her desire to create a School for Performance and Creative Arts (the plans have been in the works for a year now, actually). Discussions, discussions, discussions, and then a decision to actually start it. So the girl created a new forum for it, too. We meet for a planning-workshop this weekend. :)

My Second BABY

Watched my second BABY (The Musical) today. Again, it was GREAT!!! I was now sitting near the stage, second row, in fact, and it gave me a better view of the performers' expressions. The orchestra did drown out the singing voices several times. That is from the side where I was sitting, of course. And it made me a fan of Menchu Luchengco-Yulo! I liked her in the first performance I saw, but hearing more from her, listening to her wonderful voice, man, that was wonderful!!!

She was/is very beautiful, too. And gracious! I've heard she's nice to fans. Of course, that's no real measure of a person's character, but it helps a bit, doesn't it? She was patient with us and even talked to some of us. She even asked my name, confirmed the right spelling, and wrote "Li'l Dove, Love and Kisses, Menchu." Sure, it really just meant "Thanks for watching, watch again next time" or simply "For you". But she was nice enough to actually ask names and write a dedication or something. She's not as famous as Lea Salonga and certainly doesn't have as much fans (as she's not mainstream), but I like her, definitely!

Was not able to get Lea's autograph. She was whisked away quickly and, except for one, I think no one among the crowd got her signature. It is alright. Understandable as people would be all over her. I expected it soon as I saw all the people waiting at the artists' exit. I did get David Shannon's autograph (he played Chris in one of the Miss Saigon performances and is the husband of Ima Castro, another M.S. alumna), Agot Isidro's, and Menchu's (of course)...I'm gonna write a review of the show soon and post it in my homepage.

TRUTH OR MYTH? (Hear it from Li'l Dove herself!)

Last week, I had the chance to meditate due to the fact that I was almost always alone in the office for three days (Bliss!). Considering that generally, my days just flow by nicely and uneventful, and since it is often unpleasant when they are eventful, I think it's time for Truth or Myth Part 2. Here are comments often/sometimes/once made about me, and my say on each matter. So, FACT or FICTION?

1. "You're so obsessed!" I was told this some months ago, in light of my so-called obsession with CATS The Musical, the kitten Jemima, Veerle Casteleyn, Lea Salonga, and musicals in general...FICTION. I call it passion. Unfortunately, sometimes passion is mistaken for obsession. It's a classic case of mislabeling. People, intentionally or unintentionally, create words and/or meanings for things they can't understand.

2. "You're very intelligent." Fact or Fiction? More of RUMOR or EXAGGERATION. Are they kidding??? My theory is people somehow find out where I graduated from and simply assume I am intelligent. Ah! The perks of mislabeling! My reputation precedes me. The down-side here is people sometimes tend to expect more than what I can actually deliver. Most have not seen me fall flat on my face yet so it's safe to assume I've still got them fooled at the moment.

3. "You're always so happy." HALF-FACT, HALF-FICTION. The people who tell me this think I have a sunny disposition. Obviously, they don't know that "sunny" may also mean "fiery". They have not encountered me long enough.

4. "Mmm...You always smell so good!" Synonymous to "It's always nice to walk behind this girl..." Of course, they say that when I'm wearin' perfume (good thing I don't smell like anything else when I'm not wearin' any!). FACT. What can I say? I've got this good taste when it comes to perfume. No, I don't usually buy perfume, and no, they're always not expensive. BUT they are always good to the olfactory nerves!

5. "You always want the details!" Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on who's looking), it's a FACT. No use denying the obvious, especially when people throw their hands in the air and say they give up!

6. "You're an idealist/perfectionist." FACT and FICTION. While I am an idealist and/or perfectionist, it does not mean I'm not in touch with reality. I just think that almost always, there's a way to get around things and achieve what is right. Why are we so afraid to do the right things? Not to say that I haven't been chicken to do them myself sometimes. I would be lying. So I guess that's where the "fiction" part starts. Anyway, I always keep this in mind. Since time immemorial, it has been said (and to quote something I overheard): "Pobody's nerfect!"

If you want to know more, here is Truth or Myth Part 1:

1. "You write like Jessica Zafra." To the uninitiated, she is a well-known writer-columnist and by her own admission, twisted (thus the title of her column and series of books). FICTION. I don't. I WISH. She is a good writer whereas I am a writer who is still aspiring to be a good one. I think the one who made the comment only based her conclusion after reading only one of my pieces. It's flattering, though, so hey, I'll let her think that for a while ;p

2. "You've been surfing the Net a lot lately that you don't have time to write your book anymore." HALF-FACT, HALF-FICTION. I always don't have time to write my planned but long-overdue book. But since I started surfing again, I have been writing more lately, just other stuff.

3. "Nut job." FACT. Yes, Steve The Troll, I am. Thought you could use some company.

4. "Have you lost/gained weight?" FACT/FICTION. I have been losing weight but not as frequently as everytime someone asks me about it or I would be reed-thin by now. Gained weight? Nope. I would be if I had more money to spend LOL!!!

5. "You need an attitude -adjustment!" said my alter-ego.

WHAT THE - ??? Oh, yeah? Well, so do you!!!

So there. Thanks for visiting me today. :)

~Li'l Dovey~

***************************************************

UPDATE (July 4, 2016): This post was originally posted in the now-useless Multiply. I copied my blog's contents from there and archived them here and they remained private until now that I have decided to re-publish them. So, my point here actually is...I don't know where the original Truth or Myth Part 1 is and why it is added here, ha ha haaaa!!!! But anyway, reading this certainly brought back some memories. Some of these items are still, still aren't, and aren't anymore true of me ;)