SELF-STUDY

Test the Wind

To test the wind
I must learn to fly,
but clip my wingsand my dreams shall die.

My wings spread out
for me to see
what plans has God
laid out for me.


Copyright © 2004 J.Gi Federizo


For two consecutive nights now, I have stayed up really late doing solo workshops - just me, myself, and I. I have been teaching myself and updating my knowledge on more computer graphics stuff. Basically, I‘m the teacher and the student.

You see, I have noticed that some companies are looking for graphic artists. Most of the time, they need people who are proficient, at least, in Corel Draw and Adobe.As computer graphics are really my interests and as I have background in several different programs (due to the nature of my last job), I have been sending out resumes.

However, “proficient” isn’t really the right word to call me as of now that is why I‘m studying stuff so that if ever I get interviewed or be made to take some qualifying tests, maybe I‘ll have more chance. So far, I‘m just proficient in Powerpoint, Photodraw, Paint, and Publisher, and companies aren’t really keen on those. I know a bit about Corel Draw 8.0 and Adobe Pagmaker 6.5, so now I‘m studying more advanced versions. Still need to explore, too, the Printmaster 10 thingy.

Now, to some, these maybe amateurish already, but that’s what I am, an amateur. But since that seems enough for some companies, I‘m trying my luck.

Would’ve also applied for video editor positions. However, I only know linear editing as that’s what I had been doing for years due to the “old” editing machine available. During the basic video production workshop I attended before, however, we did a bit of non-linear editing. I guess I will brush up on that soon. I only have the primitive Adobe Premiere 5.0, though, but at least, I know how things should go, I know the principles to follow .

Non-graphic positions aside, I‘ve brought from home old college notes and hand-outs to familiarize me again with journalism and editing (as I‘ve learned a lesson from a recent experience). I also plan on familarizing myself with I.T. terms (also because of that experience). And – oh! - gotta ask my friend how she found out her actual typing speed. Companies actually inquire about that.

As for my true love – writing – all I can really do is cross my fingers. It seems my chances are rather slim. It seems my background isn’t enough to “back” me up.

So far.

*SMILING*

Well, today, I woke up really late. Why wouldn't I? I spent the night (and dawn) reading about schizophrenia and sociopathy and...well, you get the idea. Good news: I'm not schizophrenic. Not yet, anyway :D

Met a friend I haven't really seen for quite a while. She said something, a praise, which I feel I didn't deserve, but what the heck? It felt good. She treated me for lunch (brunch, on my part).

Lastly, I finally had more time to catch up on many past posts here :)

I'm smiling. Maybe shallow reasons. But I'm smiling anyway :)

"PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL"

Well, that's what it said when I opened my e-mail. Private, my foot, I'm sharing this:

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Li'l Dove Feather,

We refer to your application for the position of Copy Editor.

We have given your application further consideration and regret to inform you that we have decided to move on to another candidate whose experience and qualifications best meet the requirements of the job on hand.

Although we cannot pursue your application on this occasion, please allow us to keep your details for further reference. We hope to call on you should another work opportunity arise in the near future.

We would like to thank you for your interest in the position and for taking the time to see us. May we also take this opportunity to wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Regards,
Sender

Oh, well, I did not expect to make it, anyway. In fact, I would be surprised if they decided to get me. The moment that I tried filling up their application forms when I was there and couldn't understand some stuff, I already had a feeling. Then I took the qualifying tests which I could've done better if I went there more prepared. I thought I was prepared. Served me right.

Also, I'm not sure I'd like to work there, anyway. The stuff I edited were too technical for me (not to mention, boring) and the last part of the tests made me laugh because I almost couldn't answer a freakin' thing!!! Too technical. But, of course, even so, it still would have been nice if I passed them. Oh, well, at least now, I have an idea on what to prepare on next time :)

I'm baaaaaccckkkkk!!!!

Just got back this afternoon in Manila. Hadn't been here of an hour yet when my friend Jenny said there was going to be volleyball practice.

So, because I wasn't prepared, I played wearing 3/4-long sleeves, slacks that I had to keep rolling up again and again because they were long and I could trip, and bare-footed since I couldn't use my non-rubber shoes (heck, they're not even allowed to step on the NBA-inspired court! It's rubber shoes or bust!)...

So yeah, it was a very nice evening. I hurt a toe for some reason I don't know, and it bled a little, but yeah, it was worth it :)

I think I should keep on playing sports or going to the gym (for free, he he) just so I could become more fit (not saying I am already...I so am not so I really need to shape up). Before I left home, I tried on some old clothes and was surprised they fit well enough again. And here I was worried that I probably got bigger due to the practically sedentary life I had been living while at home. Just goes to show that we can't be right all the time. After the game, we even saw somebody we knew and he said I looked thinner...Yey!!!!...Yeah, vanity, but hey, cut me some slack, okay?...LOL!!!!!!!

One really good thing about slacking at home - I don't have dark circles around my eyes anymore. I still slept late, but I had more sleep time :) Still, kids, don't try this at home! :D

Anyway, I wasn't surprised anymore to find that I have lots of posts to catch up on again. I'm not complaining, of course. I really would like to read ALL of them. Now that I'm back here, I'll be able to catch up again.

But, of course, my main goal is to find a job. My problem is, always, either I'm under-qualified, over-qualified, or not qualified at all :( Not losing hope, though. I'm not a quitter!

A funny thing...I found out that my sister is also planning on resigning. She's not in good terms with her boss and based on the stories I've heard, I can see why...Ha ha!!! She's my sister, alright!!!

...Toodles!!!!

Faces That I Love To Hate!

LOL!!!! Just wanted to "share" some Filipina faces that I have come to love and hate looking at. Love, because I find them very beautiful. Hate, because, hey, I want those!!!!!! LOL!!!!!

Below are some sites.

Amanda Griffin (Filipino-British)
I really like her because not only is she very pretty, she's also versatile and business-minded. A go-getter... http://www.amandagriffin.com/

Heart Evangelista (Filipino-Chinese, or Chinoy)
Very Chinoy looking. I find her very pretty. I just like looking at her. Period. She has yet to outgrow her tweetums phase. Too saccarinish (did I spell that right?).
http://heart.pinoycentral.com/

Donita Rose (Filipino-American)
I have always liked her. Versatile and fun, too :)
http://www.donitarose.com

There's also this other Filipina beauty that I like/hate looking at now, Juliana Palermo. She looks very Filipina! Can't post photo of her, though, since everytime I search for pics of her, I end up with - uh - not so wholesome shots, he he...Search for yourself, if you want!



UPDATE (August 2017): Either my taste or they changed. I do still like Donita for being Donita. And I haven't seen Amanda in ages. This list should've included Angel Aquino. She's so classic!...I'll not start by enumerating the new faces I've come to like, though. 

*sigh*

I had wanted to give someone "a taste of his own medicine". I actually started and got what I was first looking for. But then I realized I can never really be evil. I could'nt take revenge. It wasn't really for revenge, but just to teach a lesson, but hey, who was I kidding? So I decided to stop it there. Then I got the surprise of my life!

And now, I don't exactly know what to do...I guess, maybe, it's over and done with. So again, as always, I move on...




UPDATE (August 2017): I have zero idea now what this was about, who it was supposed to be.  But one thing that hasn't really changed about me is I'm not one to take revenge. Doesn't really mean I don't try (I'm not an angel), but when it comes to exacting one, I'm a wimp. Not scared of the other party, no. Just scared of being becoming bad, know what I mean? I'm not perfect. I get angry. I'm not above cursing at times. But taking revenge is something else entirely.

AGENDA while I'm at home:

1. Take care of my dad.
2. Exercise!!!!
3. Write, write, write!!!!
4. Keep house
5. Give someone a taste of own medicine...(bwahahaaaa!!!!)

Videoke Queen and King!

As I said in my previous post, I went to my aunt's house to join the merry-making. Later, they would not let me leave and told me to spend the night there for there would be singing. Sure enough, at around 6 p.m., her sister-in-law (SIL), SIL's husband, and some men set up a videoke machine right in front of the house! They also set up a table for a drinking session (why there should always be drinking sessions, I don't quite get...Okay, I do, but I don't quite approve).

My cousin started singing a series of songs. She had a very nice voice that I never knew she had before. Then the men sang. After an hour of trying not to, I sang also, choosing The Journey and then, Superwoman. Might as well enjoy if I had to stay there...OMG, I had butterflies in my stomach!!! I have sang several times in public before (some friends have forced me to sing for them during their weddings), but always, ALWAYS, I got an attack of stage fright!

Anyway, the machine kept giving away high scores and was obviously rigged, but stupid machine wouldn't even grant me a 100% score! Finally, after several attempts, when I sang the song Don't Cry Joni (yeah, really old song, but I love it anyway) and did both the male and female voices, it granted my wish, LOL!!!! So that was all I needed to do: just show my multiple personalities!!! Ha ha!!!

I gained a sort of fan, though. Another guest kept watching mr while I sang. He would sing and clap, then he laughed, especially when I did that Joni song. He was a funny guy (well, as far as I could tell, unless that was just all for show), and quite cute, I might add ;p I had to keep a straight face and pretend that I didn't notice him looking.

I started telling myself I was just being silly and feeling-era (feels like she is something more that she really is). I was near believing it except he approached me, leaned down to where I sat, and asked me in such giddy fashion, eye-to-eye, to find the song Gusto Kita (I Like You). Good thing it was a bit dark where I sat or people would've seen me blushing. I gave him the number code using a matter-of-fact tone just to hide my surprised expression. Then he kept doing ad libs, giving little hints as he sang three romantic songs. I just sang along as if I didn't notice anything about it, pretending to be clueless.

I guess he really had no choice than to flirt with me instead, LOL!!! Why not? Look at the candidates: my much-older aunt, the lesbian good singer cousin, my aunt's married SIL, my other cousin who was very-married and Very-married Cousin's friend who kept quiet the whole night and was no fun at all. Then there was me. Ergo, no choice but me, I tell ya :D Lucky me!

Unfortunately, his already-drunk cousin came and joined us. Drunk Cousin (DC) kept announcing and teasing me that I was a snob because I kept snobbing him when I lived there. Long story, but he was exaggerating, plus he did deserve it. DC kept irritating me before because he wanted to talk, I didn't. My aunt didn't want him around either.

Anyway, DC's comments probably bothered the cute guy (his name was Jonathan, I found out) because he didn't even ask for my number :( When they cleaned up the place,  I was left with DC still needling me, talking about a lot of nonsense.

Oh, well, in life, there really are people you have to meet once in a lifetime...But I could really strangle that stupid drunk! Grrrr!!!!!!!!

Her House

It was fiesta (or the feast day/celebration dedicated to a place's patron saint) at my aunt’s little community last Sunday. I would not have gone if my mother had not been telling me to go. My aunt would be expecting me and sensitive that she was, I decided to go. After all, I lived there for more than a year years ago. But me being me, I decided to be more independent and left so I could enjoy life without bothering relatives.

Besides, I didn’t like being cooped up there every night with nothing to do but to either watch the mini-store, or to stare at the unplugged TV/radio. I was practically not allowed to ever turn any appliance on. In fairness, she did not allow her son to turn them on as much as possible either (he usually ignored her, anyway). She had this incredible notion that a few hours of turning them on would be equal to a big jump in the electricity bill. It being not my house, I followed the rules.

I also really had to always go home early after work. My aunt worked for the community, night-shift, while her son's shift at at work was during the evenings also. So what happened was I would go home, eat dinner, wash the dishes that got piled up there since lunchtime, then watch the store. Sometimes, she would turn the TV on and watch a little. Then at around eight, she closed the store and locked me and the dog inside. She seemed to think that the lock from inside would not be enough.

And so, I was left with really nothing to do. Sometimes, I just brought work home. Mostly, I lay in bed trying to sleep…We rarely even talked! Sometimes, I would talk to the son, he would pretend to listen but really, he was much more interested in calling his friends and talk about work, problems, and boys (yes he preferred boys). Couldn’t blame him, though. There were times that I really kept talking even though at the back of my mind, I had a feeling that he didn’t really want to listen or wasn’t really listening at all…I was so pathetic!

Add to that, the place was really a mess and a bit unsanitary. But who was I to complain right?

Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!! Can you imagine what I was going through? I had to get out of there even if it meant paying for bedspace in a boarding house. The main reason, actually, was I couldn’t keep going home early. The nature of my work demanded more time from me sometimes. One time, my then-boss and I worked till late at night finishing an institutional video. Boy, was my aunt pissed when I went home. She hated that she could not lock the door early. I knew then and there it wasn't going to be easy living there much longer.

One time, I just mentioned that someone from the village and who wasn't even a relative died days ago. She got all mad at me and raised her voice saying, "Why didn't you tell me?!!! You should've told me!" I stared at her dumbfounded. How was I to know which people she knew and that she would like to know if something like death happened to them? I grew up with her living away from the rest of her relatives.

So I left. Truth be told, the only things that I actually missed when I left were the lovable (but smelly) dog and the occasional cute (but usually lazy) guys that passed by the store.

Anyway, like I said, last Sunday, I came back. The dog, as I expected, had died of old age and there was a cute li’l one that has taken its place. The house had undergone renovations and now looks better and is actually much cleaner. My aunt offered to take me in again while I have no job. I declined. What, and completely go nuts? No, thank you.

My aunt and cousins were nice enough, but staying there would not have been a wise idea in the long run. It was a problem waiting to happen.

_________________________________________________________________

UPDATE (July 2017): Fast-forward to years after, Dear Aunt finally moved back to our village with her spawns. I can certainly tell you I made the right decision then. And now, I've made another decision to remove this kind of toxic in my life. To be fair with me, it's not totally my own decision--they put the wheels into motion when they began messing with and trying to run my life.

I had followed their ridiculous orders, always kept myself in check when dealing with them, tolerated their being "user-friendly", and in the end, who is still the loser but me? Because I freaking let them do it to me! But they have pushed me to the edge that I can now comfortably say "good riddance". Yes, I gave them what they wanted, but this benefits me--it has given an end to what binds me to them.

I have no more obligations to them, in fact, I never did have any except they insisted on it, and the kind of person that I am--was--let them dictate otherwise just to keep the peace that was never really there.

No wonder nobody loves them.

Two things to say:

1. My body is freakin' aching!!!! Played volleyball yesterday after a long while of not playing. Didn't warm up and hadn't been exercising the past days so, yeah, what did I expect????

2. One roommate talked about her pathetic lovelife again. Over and over and over, she complains about her cheating boyfriend. Over and over and over, she asks me what to do. Sometimes, I just tell her not to tell me anything anymore. In my exasperation, I asked her, "What was your childhood trauma?!!!"

Yeah, evil of me, but after how many years of putting up with her nonsensical love journeys, years of her letting men abuse her emotions, I have no one to blame...Good thing she didn't know what I meant by childhood trauma...But she keeps asking me because she knows I tell it as it is. After all, she never really listens, grrr!!!!

The Legend of the Turtle

Did you know that aside from Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello, there was a fifth Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles member?

This fifth member was a shy little girl in gradeschool. Then high school happened. The fact that she had to make new friends with kids who knew each other since gradeschool, were mostly more outspoken and liberated, were mostly more well-off, seemed like a smart lot, and mostly lived in the same freakin' town...Well, that was a lot to bear. Hey! She was thirteen! Just starting her teens. Psychologists are right when they say that the teen-age years are times for a lot of confusion and insecurities.

She soon again proved psychologists right. A change in her became noticeable. Short kid that she already was, she became shorter and developed a kind of humped back. She didn't even know. So her parents would say, "Stand straight! You're slumping again." She would not believe it, stood as straight as she thought she could, and said, "Here! See? I am standing straight!" But it was only when she checked herself out in the mirror one day did she realize they were right. Only then did she realize why the bullies sang the theme song for the Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles whenever she passed by. It was for fun, at her expense.

She had resented that they called her "mutant" and felt so ugly when all the while, they were pertaining more to the "turtle" part! In a sense, she was relieved and gradually corrected her Quasimodo posture. It was hard and it indeed hurt a bit, but the results were worth it. The teasing stopped and while it wasn't a quick "recovery" for her ego, she did gradually gain some form of respect later on. It was later in her senior year, during Home Economics class, that she found out why she became that way. The tendency to slump, according to a book, was a manifestation of great insecurity...Boy, was she quite the manifestation!

So now, that girl is no longer that turtle. Once in a while, she feels the insecurities adult life has so abundantly offers, but somehow, she manages even when she sometimes fails. Yet, she keeps the story alive by sharing it. She knows there is a lesson to be learned in there somewhere...

Do I even have to say who she is? ;p

Scared him?...Maybe not...

Him: I didn't want to talk about myself because I was afraid I'd disappoint you. I'm sorry...

Me: Hay naku!...How will I know if you're not going to tell me anything?

Him: I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...I'm really still single... (note: that was one of my questions)

Me: But did you answer YES to all of my questions?

Him: Yes, of course!...Now what did you want to know about me?

Not verbatim, of course, especially since most of our messages were in Filipino, but that was how it went. One of my questions before was "Are you a positive-thinker?", so when he gave me that "Yes, of course" reply, I just bit my tongue. He was afraid I'd be disappointed. Oh, yes, such positive-thinking!

Okay, when I talked about me hating negativity before, I hope I didn't offend anyone who's been struggling with his/her own demons. I know that everyone has his/her own issues in life, including myself. That is why I want a positive force to balance things out. I just hate it that this potential - uh - love (still can't say it naturally), if he does have potential, has more issues to grind than I do and appears to hate his life. I hope I'll be proven wrong in time, I really do.

In one of our conversations, I had asked him "How will you know if you don't act on it?" He stated this famous Filipino saying: "Kung di uukol, di bubukol." Translation: "If it isn't meant to be, there won't be any bumps." Well, it doesn't sound that good when translated literally, but it only means that if something isn't meant to be, it won't ever happen. It is really a good analogy. Unfortunately, it wasn't positive-thinking at all, given our topic.

So this was my reply: "But sometimes, you have to take the risk, even it means falling down and hitting your head, to be able to get that bump. Or else, if you simply stay safe and do nothing, you also get nothing." Probably doesn't sound nice in English, too, but you get the idea. He did, too, and agreed. Yet, getting the idea and actually acting on it are two entirely different things.

Still, I let it drop. If he's still this interested after all the things I said (though tactfully) -- things that could have hurt his already bruised ego, things that could've landed me in his hate-list if he had one -- then he must be worth another try. I give him credit for that, at least. Maybe that's positive-thinking enough.

Maybe he sees me as a kind of challenge. He did say he wanted someone who would not be saying yes to him every time, who could control him. Certainly, as he now knows, I'm no push-over, and while I don't intend to be a control-freak, I speak my mind out. He liked that in me, he told me so before...So now, I'm thinking, boy, this guy's a masochist!!!! LOL!!!!!

Masochist or not, he's free to try once more. And me, I'm not closing my door on him. But, my door isn't open for him alone. As of now, until I make any final decision, he must wait and bear it. And if he can't take the heat,...what's that they say? "Then get out of the kitchen!"

I may have scared him away...

"Please, don't expect too much. Having a relationship isn't my priority right now."

That's what I told him at the start. And I still actually stand by that. He insisted anyway, so I let him try his "luck" because of the ever-perennial question: What if...? So even when there were things that went/go against him -- one, he couldn't have helped anyway -- I let him try to get to know me. He still wants to, I know, and it's interesting that he does. In fact, I'm amazed that he does!

Yet, one thing that I cannot tolerate is negativity.

As I had told him before, I want a positive-thinker so that when I'm feeling negative, he can help me turn around and smile and think better of the situation. What I didn't include to say was, "I don't want a negative person because I do not want someone who will pull me down." But I have been studying his responses and the way I see it, he may have a lot of emotional baggage in his life.

Well, most people do, but they do not let that affect their whole lives. I honestly can't say for now that he is like that, but how will I know if he doesn't want to share? All we talk about is ME. I told him he was being unfair.

I am a bit mad because of that. I want to know what he thinks, how he really is. But he's just so jolly asking about my day. How does he expect me to make a decision? How, especially when I sense that he is insecure of what I am, who I am? At the start, I let him know already about myself, even the negative stuff, so he could decide already if he would pursue me. Still, he did...

Shoot. I wouldn't exactly mind if I would feel insecure about whoever's going to be my other half since I can handle that, but I didn't expect it to be the other way around. In the long run, this might complicate matters. I've heard of situations like this, and they're never pretty. Oh, yes, I have this romantic notion in my head that maybe I'll be the one who'll help him be a better person...Yeah, right. I cannot just wait around and see. Here's another what if : What if he doesn't?

So the other night, after I finally got the response to a test I put him through (I made him jealous, so sue me), I was okay, until he clammed up and said to talk about himself would be boring so better not. That's when I said he was being unfair. The next day, it was like nothing happened and he asked if we could go out. I told him this: "I don't know. We might not have nothing to talk about since I can't ask about you." He didn't answer.

So today, I sent him a message. Maybe an ultimatum. There were questions answerable only by yes or no (example: Are you a positive-thinker? Do you really like me not because you just want to have someone?). Then I told him, if he answers YES to all of them, then I will go out with him. If he answers NO to anyone of them, then we better stop everything. So far, he hasn't said a word. I had told him that if I don't receive a reply, then it's okay. I know the answer.


The day isn't over yet (or maybe he's still in the process of deciding). But if he doesn't answer, I really won't mind. I do not really want to waste my time with someone who thinks that his life is such a waste. I don't like wallowing in waste.

Maybe you're thinking why, when I obviously like him enough to bother write about him? You're right, I like him enough, but at this point in time -- no, at any point in time -- when it comes to love, I don't settle for "enough". I know "perfect" is impossible, so I'm just aspiring for at least, "better". If he doesn't prove to be that, then it doesn't matter if I lose him.

Do I love him? No, not yet, maybe never. I'm more in love with the idea of being in love. I wouldn't want to short-change him either. I will love him when I feel that I do. Right now, I don't, and he will do well to make more effort and not pity himself all the time just because he thinks he's smaller than I am. I just think everyone deserves to be loved.

__________________________________________________________________

P.S. He just sent me a message just now saying sorry for not replying earlier (hmmn, must be ESP). Have yet to talk about it so sorry for the suspense...

Many things to say...

...but not in the mood to say them. In fact, I'm more in the mood to read other people's posts. And I've got a lot of catching up to do. Not that anybody's requiring me, it's just myself requiring myself.

I wish I had more time in my hands. So let me just enumerate what had been on my mind today:

1. The qualifying exams I just took.
2. Somebody.
3. Why I said the Turtle result in one of the quizzes I posted reminded me of high school (someone asked, nyehee!)

All worth different posts.

Later.

Finally!!!!

After two months, I have finally done it...Last Sunday evening, I finally told my mother I resigned! Yeah, yeah, it took me this long, so sue me.

I really didn't have the heart to tell her...Wait. I did have the heart not to tell her during Christmas and as the year was about to change. Didn't want to dampen her spirits. Not that I was scared she would get angry because I knew she wouldn't. I just did not want her to worry about me. Besides, she was always sick the whole holiday season. Needless to say, last week, I let her believe I was working!

Well, I was, sort of. I had been doing unfinished business. Also sent out applications through e-mail last Friday, even when my credentials were sometimes not enough to complete their requirements. I scrimped on food to save money. Honestly think I lost several, if not a lot, of pounds.

Anyway, I was just simply scared and when I finally told her, for some reason, I started to cry, and I was thinking, "Hey, idiot, why the heck are you crying?!!!!" I really did not know why. I guess I was just letting out all the pent up emotions that I kept all these weeks. My mother was composed throughout the whole confession and told me that that is life, that there will be something better...Whew!!!! I just told her to please not worry about me...Now, about my father, I don't have to tell him anything. Sometimes, he even thinks I'm still in school! LOL!!!!

The next day, I stayed home in the province and got a text message from one of those companies I applied to. I was informed about qualifying exams for the position of Copy Editor and could I please reply to the number or call this certain other number to confirm. So I did and that made my day. I'm not sure if I will pass, actually, as I'm at a point where I can only think positive, but not be sure just the same. I'll just try my best.

Meanwhile, today, I met with my former boss, ate lunch with her and some of her former students, and talked till 8 p.m. She gave me lots of advice and asked me to give her my resume because she has lots of contacts. I also informed her that I am going to try and apply for the English/Filipino Writer position in a popular publication. She told me to really do so. Her friend works there and she knows they are actually starting several other publications. Her brother also works for a TV station and she told me she'll see. She also told me to try the other TV stations.

You know, talking to her really made me a bit braver, knowing that there maybe more jobs for me out there. If I can't find any, I will try working for a call center for a while. Why not? That is so in right now, and there are lots of centers looking for agents, plus they pay very well. However, call center or not, I will still continue looking for a job I will truly like, even if it pays much less. Life is not all about money, after all.

HERE'S TO BROADWAY!!!

http://herebroadway.multiply.com/
This is the group I created months ago. So far, we only have very few members (seven, he he he). My fault as I haven't 'advertised' it yet, so now, I am. So if you're interested, whoever you are, come and join us. I promise to make it interesting!

If you also have hi5 accounts, I have the a group of the same name there, too. That one's a bit more established now.

*************************************************

UPDATE (March 8, 2017): This page is, of course, non-existent now. I lost everything that was there, I think. I have only created a page on my WordPress titled HERE'S TO BROADWAY!!! as well. It's not a group anymore...Then again, and I honestly just thought about it now, maybe I'll create a new blog to create a new community of theatre lovers! We'll see...

Andrew Lloyd Webber's Really Useful Group

The Really Useful Group

 

The site for - you guessed it - Andrew Lloyd Webber and his numerous musicals. Lots of info you can gather. Better if you become a member for you'll have more access to pictures, post reviews of the musicals (whether for stage or film), listen to sample music, be updated on present productions or new projects, shop for recordings or movies of the musicals, even request to be given license to perform any ALW work (believe me, you can contact them as I did before).

Just make sure you read the terms and abide by them.

Dreams Journal

This is not my dream journal but it looks so nice, 'no? Click on it to read the original post

Yep, I started one last night, writing about the dreams I had for the past two nights. I figured I should for me to be able to analyze them better. But basically, I just want to remember them because I find my dreams often amusing and entertaining. More amusing are the people who become part of them, like actors/actresses that I don't personally know, even those I don't even like or hate. I also love mentioning when I see color. It's really rather frequent that I see at least one color, I realize.

Most of my dreams really do not make sense but last night, I was able to interpret three out of the five dreams I wrote down in the journal. As for last night, I know I had a dream, woke up, made a mental note to remember it, but now, I've forgotten. I also seemed to have a peaceful sleep because I woke up all relaxed and earlier than usual. Tried to sleep again but my body was rarin' to go.

But anyway, I'll see what my dreams have yet to churn out...

Yikes!

I went to the "Messages" section of my account but when I tried to open some posts, Multiply said they either did not exist anymore or the owners hid them. So before I allowed myself to feel down, I checked my contacts. Luckily, they have not ejected me. I guess Multiply is just not working right. I hope everything gets repaired, though.

"SA UGOY NG DUYAN" (with English translation)

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Music
Genre:	Other
Artist:	Lucio San Pedro/Levi Celerio

I do not know how to classify this. It is classical for me, but it hardly classifies as such in international standards. It maybe folk or maybe country.

The song Ugoy ng Duyan, literally translated to "the swaying of the hammock", was composed by Lucio San Pedro and the lyrics were by Levi Celerio, both National Artists whose memories will live on long after their death in 2003. More than a year ago, I saw an article about this song. It was actually made while one of the artists (or maybe both) were traveling by water and they/he had the inspiration as they/he felt the lulling of the waves.

What is the song about? Mainly, it is the love and longing a child feels for his mother who has either been long gone, or still alive but, you know, one really misses the simplest times in his life. It is deep and moving and, if you're the mushy type, may make you want to cry...

However, my research before brought me to the discovery that the song is not only about the mother-and-child relationship, but is rather more of the nationalistic nature. Still, it is not the nationalistic part that gets to a lot of people, but the mother-and-child bonding that makes you want to go back to those good ol' days.

Different artists have recorded the song, most recently Regine Velasquez, Lea Salonga, and Aiza Seguerra. Find them and compare, if you have the time.

Below are the lyrics. After it is the translation I made. I didn't make it so literal so as not to make it too corny or maybe even cheap. I also shortened it and made it as a poem so that it wouldn't sound very repetitive:


SA UGOY NG DUYAN

Sana'y di nagmaliw ang dati kong araw
Nang munti pang bata sa piling ni Nanay
Nais kong maulit ang awit ni Inang mahal
Awit ng pag-ibig habang ako'y nasa duyan

Sana'y di nagmaliw ang dati kong araw
Nang munti pang bata sa piling ni Nanay
Nais kong maulit ang awit ni Inang mahal
Awit ng pag-ibig habang ako'y nasa duyan

Refrain:

Sa aking pagtulog na labis ang himbing
Ang bantay ko'y tala, ang tanod ko'y bituin
Sa piling ni Nanay, langit ay buhay
Puso kong may dusa sabik sa ugoy ng duyan.

Sana'y di nagmaliw ang dati kong araw
Nang munti pang bata sa piling ni Nanay
Nais kong maulit ang awit ni Inang mahal
Awit ng pag-ibig habang ako'y nasa duyan.

Sa aking pagtulog na labis ang himbing
Ang bantay ko'y tala, ang tanod ko'y bituin
Sa piling ni Nanay, langit ay buhay
Puso kong may dusa sabik sa ugoy ng duyan.

Nais kong matulog sa dating duyan ko, Inay
Oh! Inay...


LULLING CRADLE

Those good old days, I pray won't fade
When I was young and in Mother's care
Oh, to hear dear Mother's lullaby again
The song of love as she rocked my cradle.

In my deep and peaceful slumber
The stars watch over me in vigil
Life was like heaven in the arms of Mother
Now my heart longs for the lulling cradle.

Those good old days, I pray won't fade
When I was young and in Mother's care
Oh, to hear dear Mother's lullaby again
The song of love as she rocked my cradle.

Lull me, Mother, in my dear old cradle
Oh, Mother.


Translation Copyright © J.Gi Federizo

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DISCLAIMER: The translation above should not, in any way, be taken as an official translation. It is only a translation I made so that people will understand. However, please do not just copy off and not give credit or link here.

UPDATE: Also, I am mentioning this as I am finding out now (October 2016) that my version is being copied and mistaken as the official translation. It is not and is probably not even the best translation out there…Thanks for understanding.

MY DECEMBER AFFAIRS

Okay, so while the brooding side of me wanted to be brooding during the Christmas season, I did decide to make my Christmas merry. So I tried not to be sad even though I very much knew it was my last month at my job.

Wasn't really that hard. I have very wonderful friends that just the thought of having them, and knowing that even other people understood why I did what I had to do without telling them the story, eclipsed the anger that I felt every time I saw Someone's face.

I didn't even have any exit interview. I guess that was because the Human Resources Dept. Head actually already knew my real reasons for leaving, plus she liked me (well, I think). Besides, there were stories/complaints about the certain Someone that indirectly backed me up.

The nasty side of me is actually laughing at her. I know that her blind ambition is going to be her downfall. Judging by what's been happening, it might come sooner, maybe she'll never know what hit her. Still, I sincerely hope she'll mend her ways...But, man, I'd love to be there when she falls right on her face! (I am sooooo bad!)

Anyway, at the school's Christmas party, the former HRD Head attended. After, I saw him at my friend's office and a bit drunk that he was, he pulled and draped an arm around me like we were close, saying, "Oh, this girl, they just don't realize her potential. I remember her, etcetera, etcetera..." My friend told him, "Sir, she resigned." So he went on with his speech about me being this kid with potential, etcetera. Really flattered me. I knew he said something positive about me before, as another friend revealed, but I never knew he thought more highly of me like that.

The good news was/is, he got my number and offered to call me for a possible job. The bad news are: One - he still hasn't called. But probably because it's their Christmas vacation, too. Two - Either he was only drunk at the time and didn't know what he promised, or he was just being nice,...Well, que sera, sera, "whatever will be, will be". Now, my real problem is whether I will like the possible job he might give me (or refer me for) or not, and will I be up to expectations?

Our house...NOT!!! I wish!!!

Going back to Christmas, I was surprised to find our barrio sparkling with Christmas lights along the way when I got home one Saturday night. I shook my head in disbelief, thinking "Just when the power rates went up, they do this!" But that wasn't really the surprise. When the tricycle stopped at our house, I laughed...Our place was sparklingly shining, shimmering and splendid as well! Like I had never seen it before! It was a scene directly out of the Twilight Zone.

We always put up lights every December, but my mother had outdone herself this time. Of course, I scolded her a bit about the impracticality of it. But of course, I got scoffed at and I shut my mouth, LOL!!! There's a funny saying here: Mahirap magpalaki ng magulang. It means "It's hard raising parents." Ha ha!!!!!

On a more serious note, it was a shocking thing when the news of the tsunamis reached us. That was one thing that made me regret not having a job now. If I still have money, maybe I could be of more help. The only thing I can do now is to donate some clothes. Good thing that there are still some left in my locker at the boarding house.

I took some from home to donate to the typhoon victims here. The school collected the donations. Then the night after they brought the donations to their destinations or to whomever the task was given, I had the urge to clean up and arrange the stuff in my locker at the boarding house only to find out I had more clothes stuffed in there. I thought, "Dang! These should have been donated, too, if I only knew." But now, I think I know where I can use them.

December also brought in something else. I met someone. Not exactly how I'd like to meet "someone", but he was persistent. Besides, I'm thinking of the phrase "Sometimes, some things happen in unexpected places or ways." So I've decided to give him a try because, you know, you never know. Of course, we're still in the getting-to-know-you stage.

I'm not sure if he will really like me enough to pursue anything. More importantly, I'm not sure if I will really like him enough to let him pursue. Right now, I'm really just not that decided if I'm interested, and I think, so is he. We'll see what happens. Maybe this January, we'll see. Let's just say I'm playing a whole, new ball game.

Oh well, it's January. Year of the Rooster. Feng shui says it's not my year, so I've heard. But guess what? I really don't believe in such things. Maybe next New Year's, I'll be frying that rooster to ashes. :)

MY GROWN-UP (AND NOT-SO-GROWN-UP) CHRISTMAS LIST

Just for fun...

Stuff that I wish I got when was a kid:

Formal voice lessons.

More books other than those required in school.

Membership in the school rondalla (I did have the chance but since the music maestra scared me, I quit before I got in so I lost the chance to learn how to play the guitar (hey, I was young!).

More encouragement from teachers.

Stuff that I wish I got this Christmas, however impossible some maybe:

Keyboard for my laptop. The built-in keyboard tends to have the number eight (8),"I", "K", and comma stuck, a common problem with laptops of the same model. So rather than have it fixed for a not-so-cheap price and encounter the same problem again, better have a detachable keyboard...I did give a hint, willing to get just one gift if they chipped in for it, LOL!!!

Copies of Harry Potter 2 & 3 (don't have those yet).

The book Anne of Avonlea (that's the only one missing in my Anne of Green Gables series).

Those in my Market List. Well, my director-teacher-friend recently e-mailed that she has bought books and VCDs for me in the U.S. Just hope she remembered my request for her to find the Dutch recording of Romeo & Juliet or its French DVD, and a DVD of CATS.

DVD Player. I wished I'd win one in the raffle, but one already rich Dept. Head won it, shoot...I did win a VCD player before that didn't really work, and I was one of the winners of a Honda car two years ago...We sold that and each got PhP 30,000. Bought a component from that money.

Tickets to HIMALA The Musical and Lea Salonga's Home For Christmas concert (lost both chances already).

Ticket to the Martin Nievera and Patti Austin January 29 concert (I love Patti!).

A chance to watch the Phantom Of The Opera movie.

A performance in the aborted Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat production.

Wishes to get in the future, however impossible they sound (Hey, dreams are free!):

A good job soon.

Those in the "Stuff that I wish I got this Christmas" list.

A new USB port for my laptop in place of the one I destroyed (don't ask how).

Modem, of course.

Cellphone with a camera, whatever model, don't care if it's cheapest.

A chance to go out of the country, but not for work.

Join in an episode of Sports Unlimited, enjoy, and maybe kiss Marc Nelson (woo-hoo!), or at least, their cute guest Tim. [UPDATE 2016: I'm over these guys]

Watch Lea Salonga and Menchu Lauchengco-Yulo again.

Watch a production of CATS (bonus if the players are my faves).

Watch, see, and meet Veerle Casteleyn.

Wishes for all of us:

Cliche, but sincere - World peace. End war, now!

Peace for the souls - living or non-living - that suffered during and/or after the typhoons that hit the Philippines, the tsunamis that killed thousands in Asia, the hurricanes in Florida, the earthquakes in different parts of the world...Please offer prayers for them. It doesn't matter what religion you have.

Health and prosperity. For myself, my friends, my loved ones, and all good people.

THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP

Well, I wished NOT to receive any more bags, wallets, scented candles, and figurines this Christmas. So of course, aside from other stuff, I got one cute violet bag (which suits my personality...also won a mesh bag in a raffle), a nice enough blue wallet, two scented candles (one was from our exchange gift-giving), and four figurines. Argh.

Ha ha! Of course, I'm thankful, don't think me ungrateful. I actually like them. Well, except for the wallet. It's just that I have so many of them already that I either don't get to use them for a long time or there is not much space anymore where I can put them. Like a cellphone case. I only have one cheap cellphone and now my cases number to five! LOL!!! A new cellphone would be nice ;p Would you believe I have a collection of mugs without even trying to collect? I probably bought just one of them, the rest, given to me every Christmas, except this year.

But seriously, I appreciate all of them because they came from friends' hearts...Well almost all of them. I did something that will surely land me in Santa's naughty list next year. I gave away the wallet. Why? I don't think I can actually take a gift from an enemy [Ed. We're not enemies anymore, just not friends either]. No, it wasn't some kind of peace-offering, in case anyone suggests it. She gave me a gift just because it's common office practice.

How can you forgive someone who is actually threatening not to sign your clearance form if you don't finish something that she told you to do when there was not much time already? And she didn't even have the guts to tell it to my face. That coward.

Anyway, I got less than what I got these past years simply because I just wasn't visible and important enough this year. But I'm not complaining. I understand that first and foremost, people don't have money these days. Take me, for instance.

My friends know me as a generous Santa, yet this year, not one of them received any gift from me. I only bought gifts for my godchildren, all nine of them, and my parents. Still, my real friends loved me and gave me nice gifts even when they knew I wasn't going to give them anything back, and made my last Christmas party with them very memorable.

...Aww...I miss them already!