Scared him?...Maybe not...

Him: I didn't want to talk about myself because I was afraid I'd disappoint you. I'm sorry...

Me: Hay naku!...How will I know if you're not going to tell me anything?

Him: I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...I'm really still single... (note: that was one of my questions)

Me: But did you answer YES to all of my questions?

Him: Yes, of course!...Now what did you want to know about me?

Not verbatim, of course, especially since most of our messages were in Filipino, but that was how it went. One of my questions before was "Are you a positive-thinker?", so when he gave me that "Yes, of course" reply, I just bit my tongue. He was afraid I'd be disappointed. Oh, yes, such positive-thinking!

Okay, when I talked about me hating negativity before, I hope I didn't offend anyone who's been struggling with his/her own demons. I know that everyone has his/her own issues in life, including myself. That is why I want a positive force to balance things out. I just hate it that this potential - uh - love (still can't say it naturally), if he does have potential, has more issues to grind than I do and appears to hate his life. I hope I'll be proven wrong in time, I really do.

In one of our conversations, I had asked him "How will you know if you don't act on it?" He stated this famous Filipino saying: "Kung di uukol, di bubukol." Translation: "If it isn't meant to be, there won't be any bumps." Well, it doesn't sound that good when translated literally, but it only means that if something isn't meant to be, it won't ever happen. It is really a good analogy. Unfortunately, it wasn't positive-thinking at all, given our topic.

So this was my reply: "But sometimes, you have to take the risk, even it means falling down and hitting your head, to be able to get that bump. Or else, if you simply stay safe and do nothing, you also get nothing." Probably doesn't sound nice in English, too, but you get the idea. He did, too, and agreed. Yet, getting the idea and actually acting on it are two entirely different things.

Still, I let it drop. If he's still this interested after all the things I said (though tactfully) -- things that could have hurt his already bruised ego, things that could've landed me in his hate-list if he had one -- then he must be worth another try. I give him credit for that, at least. Maybe that's positive-thinking enough.

Maybe he sees me as a kind of challenge. He did say he wanted someone who would not be saying yes to him every time, who could control him. Certainly, as he now knows, I'm no push-over, and while I don't intend to be a control-freak, I speak my mind out. He liked that in me, he told me so before...So now, I'm thinking, boy, this guy's a masochist!!!! LOL!!!!!

Masochist or not, he's free to try once more. And me, I'm not closing my door on him. But, my door isn't open for him alone. As of now, until I make any final decision, he must wait and bear it. And if he can't take the heat,...what's that they say? "Then get out of the kitchen!"