At least

It's April. One year after I began. It really started as an experiment, but who am I really kidding, really? 

It has gone on long enough and yet, here I am. I began my goodbyes a few months back and it's been alright enough. But some goodbyes have been too hard to give. One goodbye, I've done over and over and yet I come back. This time, I hope it's for real. The last goodbye, I don't know if it's coming soon. Or at least, I'm just delaying the inevitable. 

My friend says that at least, I went through it. I really am not sure if I should be that grateful. But then, I got that advice from someone with a more whacked sense. She also says that at least I've made some people happy. Well, that is my only consolation. At least, it's what they know and I have to say that I, indeed, sincerely wanted them to be happy, made efforts even, because I am that kind of person.

It's been only a year but why do I feel like it's been several years already? What a phase it's been. 

When I finally say my last goodbye, I'm gonna miss this. I'm gonna miss them. But I have to.

I have to. 

Serving my Hero

"My oldest memory dates way back when I was just a year old. Many people do not remember things at this age so perhaps, you don’t believe me. But I do remember – and I remember a lot – and am sure of it. I have a picture to prove it, in fact. At least, to myself. Old and sepia-colored, that picture is still very dear to my heart..."

I shared this in my other personal blog This is the UPDATED/EDITED version:

Calm indifference, anyone?

I have been reading sad posts these past days. Then John said something like pebbles creating ripples and this poem came to mind. For all of us...

SANG-FROID

Still as water, the heart learns
the art of false serenity.

Each stone casts ripples upon ripples
upon placid emotions.

Each stone with its jagged edges
each, cutting, sinking.

Density has no meaning.
Depth is not a question.

Only calm indifference.

Yet...

As the water turns murky,
     as the water overflows,
          as the water runs dry..

Perhaps, it will cast its own ripples.

For the moment, there is only agitation
in tranquility.

Sang-froid, indeed.

Copyright © December 2001 By lildovefeather