Jumping Jeepers!!!!

I am now the Editorial Assistant/Writer for a magazine! I start tomorrow!

I said before that I was the 2nd choice out of the six short-listed. However, after I was interviewed by the President, I think I was her first choice. Not because of my writing experience, though, but because of my five-and-a-half years' experience as part of the administrative staff. You see, the job will entail administrative work, too, but I don't mind. I'm just happy!!!! I could've told you this last Monday but wasn't able to go online again till today.

BTW, to my Pinoy pals here, if you love to write (I know Raine, Jeffer, and Stephen do), just tell me and I'll send you info/details about an opportunity I found. It's not the magazine I mentioned, but under ___________ Publishing. I applied as contributor (saw an ad) and they replied, stating submission details. You'll get paid for this if your stuff are accepted plus royalties later on. This is legit, guys, don't worry!

Oh, I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, what have you been up to?

As usual, I've been staying at home watching TV and messing with things. I've decided to do some exercising M-W-F.  Wanted to do it everyday, but not easy to do it on a regular basis (hey, I'm a bum). Since I've just started, sometimes, my body aches that I'm not ready to do it the next day. That's what happens when you've been idle for quite some time. So I just try to do some stretches to start the day. Also  trying to remember the stretching stuff I learned from the dacing workshop, but for the life of me, I've forgotten most of them. So I just added a new dance-exercise technique I saw on TV which I do only when I'm alone (if I tell you what it is, I'll have to kill you, he he...). 

But anyway, Happy Birthday to the following: Sharon, Cindy, Dawn, Debbie, Jasmine, Jon L., Justin, She and Snoozer. Sorry if I wasn't able to greet most of you guys in time...And, oh! Happy Aniversary...to me!!! It's my first-year aniversary here in Multiply!

STOP RIGHT THERE!!

 

I have a question: Why are there some men who will hit on even a post if you put a dress around it??? You could just be standing in line at the supermarket waiting for your turn to pay and you wonder why a guy decides to pester and tries to make a pass at you, especially when you know you actually looked lousy. Or you could be walking, wearing something decent, and a driver-cum-maniac passes by on his vehicle and gives you that look and lets you know he is looking, complete with a sneer...Girls can relate, for sure, but this is actually dedicated to all the pompous, chauvinists pigs out there...

                                        OH, NO, STOP RIGHT THERE!

                                 Oh, no, stop right there!                                                             

                                 'Cause you're not getting anywhere

                                 lay off me, get off my back,

                                 take a hike and don't come back.

                                 Oh, no, stop right there!                                                             

                                 Yeah, you may like me, I don’t care

                                 please take your hands off of me,

                                 turn around and leave me be.

                                 Oh, no, stop right there!                                                             

                                 No, we won’t ever be a pair

                                 contraries to what you think,

                                 you should really see a shrink.

                                 No, no, no, stop right there!  

                                 Ask no questions, oh, don’t you dare 

                                 for I could really blow my top,

                                 prepare to be karate-chopped!      

                             

Copyright © June 2002 by lildovefeather

This one's from a forwarded e-mail. Kinda funny, but mostly true. Girls can relate and boys will learn a thing or two about girls:

"Only a woman will TRULY relate to the following, but it's a 'hoot' for all! My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms.

When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, 'Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat!'

Then she'd demonstrate 'The Stance,' which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to go home to change my clothes.

That was a long time ago. Even now, in my more 'mature years', 'The Stance' is excruciatingly difficult to maintain, especially when one's bladder is full. When you have to 'go' in a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women that makes you think you've found a half-price sale on Victoria's Secret underwear.

So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new fangled 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one - but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck (mom would die if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.' Ahhhhhhh, relief. More relief. But then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance' as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale.

To take your mind off of your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you would have tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!'

Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose in yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do.

You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up quickly, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because you're certain that her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China.

At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.

One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).

It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door."

Author Unknown

CRAZY HODGE PODGE

I could've been writing for TV now if I was chosen. But I was not. I got to the second interview for the writer position but I guess they accepted one who has more experience. The writer is supposed to write for the newest reality TV show which is the Filipino version of a famous show. Actually, they were looking for two. One for the show, and one  to write other things for them. That's just fine, I guess, because I really don't want a job which is on a per-project basis.

The nice thing is, I just got a text message yesterday from the publishing company that interviewed me two weeks ago. I'm going to my second interview next week, yahoo! There were, at first, six of us who were short-listed. Then I was informed I was second choice, which was a subtle way of saying "Don't hope too much". So I abandoned my hopes for that. But then they texted me! 

Whatever happened to the first choice, I don't care. I'm just happy I might get the chance. This job, I actually really want. I lack the experience, though, which according to the Editor-in-Chief was her only edge. We even came from the same school, for goodness sake! Anyway, I'm trying to be positive about this but I won't hope too much.

Life sure is crazy, isn't it?

Basically, life is one heck of a crazy ride. At least, that's what I can conclude, judging from the events that have been happening to me and around me recently. Sheesh. It's crash and burn, baby...

* The government is one big loony bin. If you ask me, "they" are more than likely all cheats. Just her bad luck "she" got caught. Worse, the people are joining the crazy ride. Most just talk the talk but cannot provide any reasonable solutions. Just that they want to put more wrong people in the government. IDIOTS.

* It does not help that there are also crazy foreign ambassadors and leaders who make us seem like the worst country ever, like calling us the "Next Afghanistan". Helloooo??? Talk about exaggerations! Sure, ours isn't perfect, but why don't they look at their own backyards first? We just happened to be "Third World" but it doesn't mean theirs are any better. And if my country was that bad, I wouldn't be here still taking time to go online for my own pleasure, submit my works, and talk about my own puny poblems...

Just saying that before you make any irresponsible announcements and conclusions, make sure you meet the people first and actually go around and travel to check out the place. BIGGER IDIOT.

* On a more personal level, this issue with my recent employer is driving me nuts! They still have no plans of paying anyone and that means I can't even get my original high school diploma which they required us to submit as a requirement. The Operations Manager-cum-B**ch hasn't shown her face since the Monday after the Great Walk-out. The others are going to file a complaint, if ever, and I've decided to shelve my own to join theirs should it proves to be feasible.

* I have judgmental bigots for roommates. Basically, they're nice enough people, but obviously shallow and narrow-minded. I had been "accused" of two things and I didn't even know until much later. First, Rosalie thought I was a lesbian but changed her mind after she got to know me better. That doesn't change the fact, though, that she only jumped into the conclusion due to one occasion and based her theories on gross misconceptions and stereo-typing. 

Second, Luz told them I was crazy, literally, when I was practically new there. They changed their opinions after getting to know me, yes, but not before getting scared and jumping into conclusions which were, again, based on gross misconceptions and stereo-typing. Not to mention, fear of the unknown. One of these days, I'll explain to you exactly what happened. What's important is I proved them wrong and they must feel really foolish now. 

Well, anyway, wish me luck, guys!!!!

Cat Got Her Tongue...

I have so many thoughts occuping my mind these past days, and I wanted to write all about them here. Unfortunately, I spent the first two hours sending applications that I now don't have time to actually do write about them. Next time maybe.

I just would like to say that I might not be able to post much again because, as most of you know, I've already resigned. That means less chances to go online again. *sigh* But anyway...

Oh, BTW, it's nearly time for "spring cleaning". Time to rid my  life of some unnecessary clutter...

Mind Games

I just made a draft of my resignation letter. This has gone too far. I will not stand anymore for such unfair and inhuman treatment of us lesser individuals by the powers-that-be. In that letter, I explained the reasons why I want to leave. I wasn't harsh. In fact, I was respectful. But I was frank about the problem with the salary (over-delay of release) and hinted about the lack of light source and ventilation.

I finally did this due to what happened yesterday. We were supposed to be paid last July 10. Since that was a Sunday, I thought maybe it would, at least, be on the next day. But no, they made lots of excuses and, instead, blamed it on the then-Production Manager and us. For the nth time, we posted a summary and copies of our works in the stupid e-group which wouldn't post the artists' works anymore due to lack of "space". The PM created a whole new e-group the week before just so the artists could post there. 

Actually, he collated everyone's work and summary of projects done and e-mailed them to the Big Boss before resigning via YM. Ha! Beat that! He was brave since he didn't sign any contract yet. Lucky him. On the other hand, he was unlucky because he left his old job for this only to be blamed, called stupid and incompetent, etcetera. And he had not been here for a month yet! 

The week went by and there was no money to be had. Came Monday. We were promised we would be paid Friday. I thought that was taking very long already, but okay, as long as they were sure. So the production staff came to work even when we were broke (one even needed money for his daily medicine, which didn't come cheap). 

For the third time, Management changed schedules - from 8am to 5pm schedule to 9pm to 6am, then 12mn to 8am and, now back to 8am to 5pm. What is this?!!! I was okay with change of schedules, but not this erratic! They made it evening before because the Boss would be in the US and he wanted us to be online while it was day there. Then he complained that 9 to 6 wasn't right (when it was his idea) and changed the schedule to a much later time. He said that was because not much were done during the previous sked. Duh! Like, the number of hours are the same, hello! 

The others wanted to complain, especially one of the girls. It really wasn't safe to go out and travel at such hours. So what happened everyone still came early, even me. The only consolation was we had more time to surf the Net, at least.

Anyway, yesterday, we were here in the morning. Then Management said, "Oh! Sorry! They held off the cheque at the other office." What the - ! The other office, which is somewhere else, has no right to hold it. It's our salary! Over-delayed at that! I could explain to you the "other" office, but that would be rumor-mongering, so I won't anymore.

I'm not sure if what they said was true or just one of Management's tactics. Idiots! If it were true, how could that happen? My previous employer had lots more workers but they always paid us on time. It's not that hard to prepare a cheque. Here, they promised us Monday and still, no result by Friday??? Couldn't they do something about it? Their employees aren't rich, Management knows that. If we were, we wouldn't be here saying yes to salary rates much lower than what our contemporaries in the same fields are getting. And then they delay the release of our already measly incomes? HOW DARE THEY!!!!!! 

At lunch break yesterday, I heard the production staff plan not to go to work in the afternoon. When I got back to the office, I found out they made true their threat. So I left also. I wasn't going to stay and be with the Operations Manager-cum-B**ch (OMB). She was the only one left there and I wasn't going to be the one to guard the office. For sure, she would be telling me to do this or that. No way, Jose.

Today, I was on time, at 8am. I was the first one there. Seemed like the production staff weren't coming anytime soon, if at all. The Production Assistant (PA), who is a part of the Management, arrived. Then since there's no key yet, she left to go to the house of the OMB. The Head Technician came and we got to talking and, since he had been here much longer, I found out more ugly stuff about this company. 

Anyway, it was way-past 9am and the PA still hadn't come back. That pissed me off. If the OMB was having tantrums and did not want to open the office, the PA could have, at least, come back to tell me or the guy she talked to who was also waiting there before the technician arrived. I said at 10am, I would be leaving. I actually did not want to go to work, to be honest. At ten, I stood up to leave and lo and behold! There they were, in the OMB's car, arriving. I cursed myself for not leaving sooner.

So here I am, working. But I'm leaving after this and make up some excuse. It's not a very encouraging place to work in, really.

So the drama continues...

  

Hello, Goodbye

Exaggerated some like ulcer, but basically, I was honest...except that I really want say nasty things to him...LOL!!!!!!! 

Dear Mister Evil,

First of all, let me thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve your company as Copywriter despite my lack of experience in the field. However, it is with regret that I now tender my resignation.

This letter is to formally inform you of my intent of leaving. This should give you ample time to find a suitable and, hopefully, better replacement. I shall stay and work for 30 days, should I be required.

I made the decision due mainly to three concerns - professional, financial, and health-related.

First. I realized that perhaps, I do not have the qualities you are looking for in a copywriter. This is as evidenced by the almost-constant rejection of copies I make. It seems I do not meet your expectations after all and as a writer, this bothers me. As your company is in that important stage of "expanding", you need  an experienced copywriter, not someone you need to teach. I do not want to be seen as more of a liability rather than an asset.

Second.  At this point in time, I am expected to be independent already. However, the opposite has happened. Due to the over-delay of salary releases, my independence has been affected tremendously. I have become the parasite I have always hated, feeding off other people's kindness. I now owe friends more debts than ever. I have become a burden to my family who give me a little allowance every week when I should be helping in putting food on the table and buying much-needed medicines. My mother is now indebted to a lot of people, too, because of me who need money every week. Lastly, it is rather humiliating to promise to pay the landlady for board and lodging and then give her nothing and no definite answer as to when I can exactly pay. 

I cannot anymore let this go on and be always worried about where to get my next meal or the money for bus fare.This is not called independence.

Third. Due to lack of money, my diet has consisted of mainly canned food and rice since Day One. Sometimes, I do not  even eat rice. It is now over a month and things are still the same, which should not be so. The constant changing of the working schedule has also affected my body clock and worsened my mild ulcer. Migraines seem to visit me more than thry usually do due to lack of sleep and food, and to minimal light source and ventilation at work.  

I have lost a considerable amount of weight, which may be good for the time-being but could be detrimental in the long-run. This, out of all the three, is what concerns me most. I do not want to sacrifice my health or it may all just go downhill from there. It will affect everything, including work.

Therefore, as aforementioned, I now tender my resignation.

Again, thank you. 

Respectfully, (yeah, right)

Lildovefeather

****************************************************

UPDATE: I edited the letter before I sent it. The updated version is in the comments.

Serving my Hero

"My oldest memory dates way back when I was just a year old. Many people do not remember things at this age so perhaps, you don’t believe me. But I do remember – and I remember a lot – and am sure of it. I have a picture to prove it, in fact. At least, to myself. Old and sepia-colored, that picture is still very dear to my heart..."

I shared this in my other personal blog This is the UPDATED/EDITED version:

So Basically, We're Trash

Well, that's what the Big Boss called the stuff we had been working on for days (nights, to be more literal), He and the Production Manager IM'd each other yesterday and he complained about everything, calling the fruits of our labor uglies and mistakes. He complained about the artworks and the contents (most of which, he approved before he left for the States). Yadda-yadda-yadda...  

All he did was to insult the whole production staff. He didn't exactly complain about my work, but he said the contents were wrong and attributed it to the Production Manager's "inability to handle the job". He said our work won't even pass US standards. Then he went and told us to consult a copy of an American publication for reference. Guess what? I almost puked. It was...eeewww...He thought that just because it's America, everything's better there.

No, I'm not insulting my American friends here. Sorry if you thought so. I'm actually insulting the Big Boss, his crab mentality, and his un-creative personality. The least he could do was to show us a very good example of an American publication. To be fair, I think that was a publication done by Filipinos. That's not the point, though.

Besides, I think he's just making things up. Part of his tactics. I've heard what he has been doing, using stuff created by artists and discarded as trash by him before until the artists leave. Of course, saves him money as he doesn't need to pay absent people compensation. Truth is, the stuff I've seen here aren't all that good. But there are some that are actually are. Funny, but he particularly "hated" the lay-out done by the better artist here. 

What's worst was he said he wouldn't pay the artists for such badly done jobs. WTF! Although I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be one of the artists he mentioned, it's still isn't fair. Let him try and I'll quit. After all, he can't make me stay if he doesn't pay me. 

So here I am, fuming, and trying to write less creative contents for ads. He wants me to say things point-blank, I'll give him point-blank. Can't help it, though, so I'm adding a bit of spice so the ads won't be so icky, at least.   

I am so out of here once I get the chance. Today - er - yesterday afternoon, I took an exam as a Copy Editor someplace where the working conditions are better, at least, and people are more professional...I just wish I get paid. I really have no money already!

Just say sorry...I think...

May 11. She sent me a text message. "Ate Gi, Happy Birthday! I know we didn't part ways well. But I would like to say I'm sorry, if ever you're mad at me and if ever I wronged you. For me, you're still the godmother of my baby."

I used to say that it's really easy to make me forgive people, if they knew. Just say sorry and I'd forgive them instantly. But this time, I don't know if I'm ready to do that. A part of my hard heart melted, yes, but a bigger part wasn't, isn't, ready. I cannot simply forgive someone who refuses to believe that she did do me wrong and sugar-coats her apologies with if-ever's to give the illusion that she has no idea whatsoever. It's like saying the problem actually lay on me alone.

Really, if she didn't use her if-ever's and simply said, "I'm sorry for doing you wrong", I could've accepted the apology right there and then. So, I gave her a general reply to greeters: "Thank you for all your greetings, friends." I would have added the truth, that I would never, ever take it out on her innocent kid. But then, if I did, we would have to start being chummy again and I didn't want that. I didn't want to be "plastic" and act like all was well between us.

Somebody advised me to yes, just forgive her. But the truth was I did try. Last Holy Week. I told myself I would forgive those who hurt me. Yet, when it came to her, I couldn't. So this was what being betrayed feels like! So I told my adviser to give me time, that it's easier this way that I'm far from that someone so that in time, I could learn to forgive.

But right now, they would all have to wait until I do.

A WEEK IN THIS BUM'S LIFE

Well, so far, not much luck with the job-hunting. Sometimes, I'm tempted to scream, "What is wrong with me?????!!!!!!!!!" But seriously. Anyway, my room is a mess. No kidding. Because I've been going through some old stuff, getting rid of things I don't want anymore. I'm actually glad to find myself having outgrown many things that I can finally let go of them.

At the same time, while ransacking everything, I've been amusing myself by reading some of the stories and "novelettes" I wrote when I was younger. I get amused because of the wrong grammar, the loopholes that I never noticed before, and basically, the shallowness of the stories. But I keep them because they remind me of how I've evolved as a writer. Plus, I can get some ideas from them, too. Some of the stuff I re-discovered are those that I've kept as notes and references for future use.

As I mess with the room, the actual plan is to clean it up and re-decorate for the nth time. Which would make you laugh if you'll see the state it is in right now. It's taking me long because of the re-reading, the goings-through, the cleaning, etcetera. I'm trying to get rid of a lot of junk which were not junk at all even months ago! Also, trying to arrange stuff according to what they are and what they are supposed to be for. Once in a while, I move and clean some things in the living room to make it more presentable.

Aside from this messy activity, I watch TV and, once in a while, some flicks. As I still couldn't watch Phantom of the Opera in the movie house alone, I borrowed somebody else's copy...AARRGGHH!!! I've been had!!!! It had the cover of the new P.O.T.O., but the movie was actually another version done just a few years ago, non-musical. Sheesh!!!! That was why I kept waiting for more singing and waiting for familiar songs. That was why I never saw Andrew Lloyd Webber's name, nor Minnie Driver's, nor the other casts'. And that was why it was very gory!...Shoot.

Anyway, last Wednesday, I went to my high school friend's house. She was back from the States after, I think, more than five years. We were not able to talk much, sadly. Still, it was a surprise that of all the things she could really tell her other friends who were also there about me was, "She's the girl who used to write 'books' when we were in high school." I think I blushed. Then her sister, whom I never knew read my stuff before, told me to share more to them. Really, it did something good for my ego a bit. Well, I did promise to share, so I will.

My friend also gave me something that I won't forget. Actually, prior to going to her house, I did something nice for somebody else. What my friend did only made me believe more that kindness does have its rewards. In my case, one act of kindness was returned to me a thousand fold, literally.

Okay, that's it so far. A week in this bum's life!

SELF-STUDY

Test the Wind

To test the wind
I must learn to fly,
but clip my wingsand my dreams shall die.

My wings spread out
for me to see
what plans has God
laid out for me.


Copyright © 2004 J.Gi Federizo


For two consecutive nights now, I have stayed up really late doing solo workshops - just me, myself, and I. I have been teaching myself and updating my knowledge on more computer graphics stuff. Basically, I‘m the teacher and the student.

You see, I have noticed that some companies are looking for graphic artists. Most of the time, they need people who are proficient, at least, in Corel Draw and Adobe.As computer graphics are really my interests and as I have background in several different programs (due to the nature of my last job), I have been sending out resumes.

However, “proficient” isn’t really the right word to call me as of now that is why I‘m studying stuff so that if ever I get interviewed or be made to take some qualifying tests, maybe I‘ll have more chance. So far, I‘m just proficient in Powerpoint, Photodraw, Paint, and Publisher, and companies aren’t really keen on those. I know a bit about Corel Draw 8.0 and Adobe Pagmaker 6.5, so now I‘m studying more advanced versions. Still need to explore, too, the Printmaster 10 thingy.

Now, to some, these maybe amateurish already, but that’s what I am, an amateur. But since that seems enough for some companies, I‘m trying my luck.

Would’ve also applied for video editor positions. However, I only know linear editing as that’s what I had been doing for years due to the “old” editing machine available. During the basic video production workshop I attended before, however, we did a bit of non-linear editing. I guess I will brush up on that soon. I only have the primitive Adobe Premiere 5.0, though, but at least, I know how things should go, I know the principles to follow .

Non-graphic positions aside, I‘ve brought from home old college notes and hand-outs to familiarize me again with journalism and editing (as I‘ve learned a lesson from a recent experience). I also plan on familarizing myself with I.T. terms (also because of that experience). And – oh! - gotta ask my friend how she found out her actual typing speed. Companies actually inquire about that.

As for my true love – writing – all I can really do is cross my fingers. It seems my chances are rather slim. It seems my background isn’t enough to “back” me up.

So far.

*SMILING*

Well, today, I woke up really late. Why wouldn't I? I spent the night (and dawn) reading about schizophrenia and sociopathy and...well, you get the idea. Good news: I'm not schizophrenic. Not yet, anyway :D

Met a friend I haven't really seen for quite a while. She said something, a praise, which I feel I didn't deserve, but what the heck? It felt good. She treated me for lunch (brunch, on my part).

Lastly, I finally had more time to catch up on many past posts here :)

I'm smiling. Maybe shallow reasons. But I'm smiling anyway :)

"PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL"

Well, that's what it said when I opened my e-mail. Private, my foot, I'm sharing this:

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Li'l Dove Feather,

We refer to your application for the position of Copy Editor.

We have given your application further consideration and regret to inform you that we have decided to move on to another candidate whose experience and qualifications best meet the requirements of the job on hand.

Although we cannot pursue your application on this occasion, please allow us to keep your details for further reference. We hope to call on you should another work opportunity arise in the near future.

We would like to thank you for your interest in the position and for taking the time to see us. May we also take this opportunity to wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Regards,
Sender

Oh, well, I did not expect to make it, anyway. In fact, I would be surprised if they decided to get me. The moment that I tried filling up their application forms when I was there and couldn't understand some stuff, I already had a feeling. Then I took the qualifying tests which I could've done better if I went there more prepared. I thought I was prepared. Served me right.

Also, I'm not sure I'd like to work there, anyway. The stuff I edited were too technical for me (not to mention, boring) and the last part of the tests made me laugh because I almost couldn't answer a freakin' thing!!! Too technical. But, of course, even so, it still would have been nice if I passed them. Oh, well, at least now, I have an idea on what to prepare on next time :)

I'm baaaaaccckkkkk!!!!

Just got back this afternoon in Manila. Hadn't been here of an hour yet when my friend Jenny said there was going to be volleyball practice.

So, because I wasn't prepared, I played wearing 3/4-long sleeves, slacks that I had to keep rolling up again and again because they were long and I could trip, and bare-footed since I couldn't use my non-rubber shoes (heck, they're not even allowed to step on the NBA-inspired court! It's rubber shoes or bust!)...

So yeah, it was a very nice evening. I hurt a toe for some reason I don't know, and it bled a little, but yeah, it was worth it :)

I think I should keep on playing sports or going to the gym (for free, he he) just so I could become more fit (not saying I am already...I so am not so I really need to shape up). Before I left home, I tried on some old clothes and was surprised they fit well enough again. And here I was worried that I probably got bigger due to the practically sedentary life I had been living while at home. Just goes to show that we can't be right all the time. After the game, we even saw somebody we knew and he said I looked thinner...Yey!!!!...Yeah, vanity, but hey, cut me some slack, okay?...LOL!!!!!!!

One really good thing about slacking at home - I don't have dark circles around my eyes anymore. I still slept late, but I had more sleep time :) Still, kids, don't try this at home! :D

Anyway, I wasn't surprised anymore to find that I have lots of posts to catch up on again. I'm not complaining, of course. I really would like to read ALL of them. Now that I'm back here, I'll be able to catch up again.

But, of course, my main goal is to find a job. My problem is, always, either I'm under-qualified, over-qualified, or not qualified at all :( Not losing hope, though. I'm not a quitter!

A funny thing...I found out that my sister is also planning on resigning. She's not in good terms with her boss and based on the stories I've heard, I can see why...Ha ha!!! She's my sister, alright!!!

...Toodles!!!!

Faces That I Love To Hate!

LOL!!!! Just wanted to "share" some Filipina faces that I have come to love and hate looking at. Love, because I find them very beautiful. Hate, because, hey, I want those!!!!!! LOL!!!!!

Below are some sites.

Amanda Griffin (Filipino-British)
I really like her because not only is she very pretty, she's also versatile and business-minded. A go-getter... http://www.amandagriffin.com/

Heart Evangelista (Filipino-Chinese, or Chinoy)
Very Chinoy looking. I find her very pretty. I just like looking at her. Period. She has yet to outgrow her tweetums phase. Too saccarinish (did I spell that right?).
http://heart.pinoycentral.com/

Donita Rose (Filipino-American)
I have always liked her. Versatile and fun, too :)
http://www.donitarose.com

There's also this other Filipina beauty that I like/hate looking at now, Juliana Palermo. She looks very Filipina! Can't post photo of her, though, since everytime I search for pics of her, I end up with - uh - not so wholesome shots, he he...Search for yourself, if you want!



UPDATE (August 2017): Either my taste or they changed. I do still like Donita for being Donita. And I haven't seen Amanda in ages. This list should've included Angel Aquino. She's so classic!...I'll not start by enumerating the new faces I've come to like, though. 

*sigh*

I had wanted to give someone "a taste of his own medicine". I actually started and got what I was first looking for. But then I realized I can never really be evil. I could'nt take revenge. It wasn't really for revenge, but just to teach a lesson, but hey, who was I kidding? So I decided to stop it there. Then I got the surprise of my life!

And now, I don't exactly know what to do...I guess, maybe, it's over and done with. So again, as always, I move on...




UPDATE (August 2017): I have zero idea now what this was about, who it was supposed to be.  But one thing that hasn't really changed about me is I'm not one to take revenge. Doesn't really mean I don't try (I'm not an angel), but when it comes to exacting one, I'm a wimp. Not scared of the other party, no. Just scared of being becoming bad, know what I mean? I'm not perfect. I get angry. I'm not above cursing at times. But taking revenge is something else entirely.

AGENDA while I'm at home:

1. Take care of my dad.
2. Exercise!!!!
3. Write, write, write!!!!
4. Keep house
5. Give someone a taste of own medicine...(bwahahaaaa!!!!)

Videoke Queen and King!

As I said in my previous post, I went to my aunt's house to join the merry-making. Later, they would not let me leave and told me to spend the night there for there would be singing. Sure enough, at around 6 p.m., her sister-in-law (SIL), SIL's husband, and some men set up a videoke machine right in front of the house! They also set up a table for a drinking session (why there should always be drinking sessions, I don't quite get...Okay, I do, but I don't quite approve).

My cousin started singing a series of songs. She had a very nice voice that I never knew she had before. Then the men sang. After an hour of trying not to, I sang also, choosing The Journey and then, Superwoman. Might as well enjoy if I had to stay there...OMG, I had butterflies in my stomach!!! I have sang several times in public before (some friends have forced me to sing for them during their weddings), but always, ALWAYS, I got an attack of stage fright!

Anyway, the machine kept giving away high scores and was obviously rigged, but stupid machine wouldn't even grant me a 100% score! Finally, after several attempts, when I sang the song Don't Cry Joni (yeah, really old song, but I love it anyway) and did both the male and female voices, it granted my wish, LOL!!!! So that was all I needed to do: just show my multiple personalities!!! Ha ha!!!

I gained a sort of fan, though. Another guest kept watching mr while I sang. He would sing and clap, then he laughed, especially when I did that Joni song. He was a funny guy (well, as far as I could tell, unless that was just all for show), and quite cute, I might add ;p I had to keep a straight face and pretend that I didn't notice him looking.

I started telling myself I was just being silly and feeling-era (feels like she is something more that she really is). I was near believing it except he approached me, leaned down to where I sat, and asked me in such giddy fashion, eye-to-eye, to find the song Gusto Kita (I Like You). Good thing it was a bit dark where I sat or people would've seen me blushing. I gave him the number code using a matter-of-fact tone just to hide my surprised expression. Then he kept doing ad libs, giving little hints as he sang three romantic songs. I just sang along as if I didn't notice anything about it, pretending to be clueless.

I guess he really had no choice than to flirt with me instead, LOL!!! Why not? Look at the candidates: my much-older aunt, the lesbian good singer cousin, my aunt's married SIL, my other cousin who was very-married and Very-married Cousin's friend who kept quiet the whole night and was no fun at all. Then there was me. Ergo, no choice but me, I tell ya :D Lucky me!

Unfortunately, his already-drunk cousin came and joined us. Drunk Cousin (DC) kept announcing and teasing me that I was a snob because I kept snobbing him when I lived there. Long story, but he was exaggerating, plus he did deserve it. DC kept irritating me before because he wanted to talk, I didn't. My aunt didn't want him around either.

Anyway, DC's comments probably bothered the cute guy (his name was Jonathan, I found out) because he didn't even ask for my number :( When they cleaned up the place,  I was left with DC still needling me, talking about a lot of nonsense.

Oh, well, in life, there really are people you have to meet once in a lifetime...But I could really strangle that stupid drunk! Grrrr!!!!!!!!

Her House

It was fiesta (or the feast day/celebration dedicated to a place's patron saint) at my aunt’s little community last Sunday. I would not have gone if my mother had not been telling me to go. My aunt would be expecting me and sensitive that she was, I decided to go. After all, I lived there for more than a year years ago. But me being me, I decided to be more independent and left so I could enjoy life without bothering relatives.

Besides, I didn’t like being cooped up there every night with nothing to do but to either watch the mini-store, or to stare at the unplugged TV/radio. I was practically not allowed to ever turn any appliance on. In fairness, she did not allow her son to turn them on as much as possible either (he usually ignored her, anyway). She had this incredible notion that a few hours of turning them on would be equal to a big jump in the electricity bill. It being not my house, I followed the rules.

I also really had to always go home early after work. My aunt worked for the community, night-shift, while her son's shift at at work was during the evenings also. So what happened was I would go home, eat dinner, wash the dishes that got piled up there since lunchtime, then watch the store. Sometimes, she would turn the TV on and watch a little. Then at around eight, she closed the store and locked me and the dog inside. She seemed to think that the lock from inside would not be enough.

And so, I was left with really nothing to do. Sometimes, I just brought work home. Mostly, I lay in bed trying to sleep…We rarely even talked! Sometimes, I would talk to the son, he would pretend to listen but really, he was much more interested in calling his friends and talk about work, problems, and boys (yes he preferred boys). Couldn’t blame him, though. There were times that I really kept talking even though at the back of my mind, I had a feeling that he didn’t really want to listen or wasn’t really listening at all…I was so pathetic!

Add to that, the place was really a mess and a bit unsanitary. But who was I to complain right?

Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!! Can you imagine what I was going through? I had to get out of there even if it meant paying for bedspace in a boarding house. The main reason, actually, was I couldn’t keep going home early. The nature of my work demanded more time from me sometimes. One time, my then-boss and I worked till late at night finishing an institutional video. Boy, was my aunt pissed when I went home. She hated that she could not lock the door early. I knew then and there it wasn't going to be easy living there much longer.

One time, I just mentioned that someone from the village and who wasn't even a relative died days ago. She got all mad at me and raised her voice saying, "Why didn't you tell me?!!! You should've told me!" I stared at her dumbfounded. How was I to know which people she knew and that she would like to know if something like death happened to them? I grew up with her living away from the rest of her relatives.

So I left. Truth be told, the only things that I actually missed when I left were the lovable (but smelly) dog and the occasional cute (but usually lazy) guys that passed by the store.

Anyway, like I said, last Sunday, I came back. The dog, as I expected, had died of old age and there was a cute li’l one that has taken its place. The house had undergone renovations and now looks better and is actually much cleaner. My aunt offered to take me in again while I have no job. I declined. What, and completely go nuts? No, thank you.

My aunt and cousins were nice enough, but staying there would not have been a wise idea in the long run. It was a problem waiting to happen.

_________________________________________________________________

UPDATE (July 2017): Fast-forward to years after, Dear Aunt finally moved back to our village with her spawns. I can certainly tell you I made the right decision then. And now, I've made another decision to remove this kind of toxic in my life. To be fair with me, it's not totally my own decision--they put the wheels into motion when they began messing with and trying to run my life.

I had followed their ridiculous orders, always kept myself in check when dealing with them, tolerated their being "user-friendly", and in the end, who is still the loser but me? Because I freaking let them do it to me! But they have pushed me to the edge that I can now comfortably say "good riddance". Yes, I gave them what they wanted, but this benefits me--it has given an end to what binds me to them.

I have no more obligations to them, in fact, I never did have any except they insisted on it, and the kind of person that I am--was--let them dictate otherwise just to keep the peace that was never really there.

No wonder nobody loves them.

Two things to say:

1. My body is freakin' aching!!!! Played volleyball yesterday after a long while of not playing. Didn't warm up and hadn't been exercising the past days so, yeah, what did I expect????

2. One roommate talked about her pathetic lovelife again. Over and over and over, she complains about her cheating boyfriend. Over and over and over, she asks me what to do. Sometimes, I just tell her not to tell me anything anymore. In my exasperation, I asked her, "What was your childhood trauma?!!!"

Yeah, evil of me, but after how many years of putting up with her nonsensical love journeys, years of her letting men abuse her emotions, I have no one to blame...Good thing she didn't know what I meant by childhood trauma...But she keeps asking me because she knows I tell it as it is. After all, she never really listens, grrr!!!!

The Legend of the Turtle

Did you know that aside from Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello, there was a fifth Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles member?

This fifth member was a shy little girl in gradeschool. Then high school happened. The fact that she had to make new friends with kids who knew each other since gradeschool, were mostly more outspoken and liberated, were mostly more well-off, seemed like a smart lot, and mostly lived in the same freakin' town...Well, that was a lot to bear. Hey! She was thirteen! Just starting her teens. Psychologists are right when they say that the teen-age years are times for a lot of confusion and insecurities.

She soon again proved psychologists right. A change in her became noticeable. Short kid that she already was, she became shorter and developed a kind of humped back. She didn't even know. So her parents would say, "Stand straight! You're slumping again." She would not believe it, stood as straight as she thought she could, and said, "Here! See? I am standing straight!" But it was only when she checked herself out in the mirror one day did she realize they were right. Only then did she realize why the bullies sang the theme song for the Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles whenever she passed by. It was for fun, at her expense.

She had resented that they called her "mutant" and felt so ugly when all the while, they were pertaining more to the "turtle" part! In a sense, she was relieved and gradually corrected her Quasimodo posture. It was hard and it indeed hurt a bit, but the results were worth it. The teasing stopped and while it wasn't a quick "recovery" for her ego, she did gradually gain some form of respect later on. It was later in her senior year, during Home Economics class, that she found out why she became that way. The tendency to slump, according to a book, was a manifestation of great insecurity...Boy, was she quite the manifestation!

So now, that girl is no longer that turtle. Once in a while, she feels the insecurities adult life has so abundantly offers, but somehow, she manages even when she sometimes fails. Yet, she keeps the story alive by sharing it. She knows there is a lesson to be learned in there somewhere...

Do I even have to say who she is? ;p

Scared him?...Maybe not...

Him: I didn't want to talk about myself because I was afraid I'd disappoint you. I'm sorry...

Me: Hay naku!...How will I know if you're not going to tell me anything?

Him: I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...I'm really still single... (note: that was one of my questions)

Me: But did you answer YES to all of my questions?

Him: Yes, of course!...Now what did you want to know about me?

Not verbatim, of course, especially since most of our messages were in Filipino, but that was how it went. One of my questions before was "Are you a positive-thinker?", so when he gave me that "Yes, of course" reply, I just bit my tongue. He was afraid I'd be disappointed. Oh, yes, such positive-thinking!

Okay, when I talked about me hating negativity before, I hope I didn't offend anyone who's been struggling with his/her own demons. I know that everyone has his/her own issues in life, including myself. That is why I want a positive force to balance things out. I just hate it that this potential - uh - love (still can't say it naturally), if he does have potential, has more issues to grind than I do and appears to hate his life. I hope I'll be proven wrong in time, I really do.

In one of our conversations, I had asked him "How will you know if you don't act on it?" He stated this famous Filipino saying: "Kung di uukol, di bubukol." Translation: "If it isn't meant to be, there won't be any bumps." Well, it doesn't sound that good when translated literally, but it only means that if something isn't meant to be, it won't ever happen. It is really a good analogy. Unfortunately, it wasn't positive-thinking at all, given our topic.

So this was my reply: "But sometimes, you have to take the risk, even it means falling down and hitting your head, to be able to get that bump. Or else, if you simply stay safe and do nothing, you also get nothing." Probably doesn't sound nice in English, too, but you get the idea. He did, too, and agreed. Yet, getting the idea and actually acting on it are two entirely different things.

Still, I let it drop. If he's still this interested after all the things I said (though tactfully) -- things that could have hurt his already bruised ego, things that could've landed me in his hate-list if he had one -- then he must be worth another try. I give him credit for that, at least. Maybe that's positive-thinking enough.

Maybe he sees me as a kind of challenge. He did say he wanted someone who would not be saying yes to him every time, who could control him. Certainly, as he now knows, I'm no push-over, and while I don't intend to be a control-freak, I speak my mind out. He liked that in me, he told me so before...So now, I'm thinking, boy, this guy's a masochist!!!! LOL!!!!!

Masochist or not, he's free to try once more. And me, I'm not closing my door on him. But, my door isn't open for him alone. As of now, until I make any final decision, he must wait and bear it. And if he can't take the heat,...what's that they say? "Then get out of the kitchen!"

I may have scared him away...

"Please, don't expect too much. Having a relationship isn't my priority right now."

That's what I told him at the start. And I still actually stand by that. He insisted anyway, so I let him try his "luck" because of the ever-perennial question: What if...? So even when there were things that went/go against him -- one, he couldn't have helped anyway -- I let him try to get to know me. He still wants to, I know, and it's interesting that he does. In fact, I'm amazed that he does!

Yet, one thing that I cannot tolerate is negativity.

As I had told him before, I want a positive-thinker so that when I'm feeling negative, he can help me turn around and smile and think better of the situation. What I didn't include to say was, "I don't want a negative person because I do not want someone who will pull me down." But I have been studying his responses and the way I see it, he may have a lot of emotional baggage in his life.

Well, most people do, but they do not let that affect their whole lives. I honestly can't say for now that he is like that, but how will I know if he doesn't want to share? All we talk about is ME. I told him he was being unfair.

I am a bit mad because of that. I want to know what he thinks, how he really is. But he's just so jolly asking about my day. How does he expect me to make a decision? How, especially when I sense that he is insecure of what I am, who I am? At the start, I let him know already about myself, even the negative stuff, so he could decide already if he would pursue me. Still, he did...

Shoot. I wouldn't exactly mind if I would feel insecure about whoever's going to be my other half since I can handle that, but I didn't expect it to be the other way around. In the long run, this might complicate matters. I've heard of situations like this, and they're never pretty. Oh, yes, I have this romantic notion in my head that maybe I'll be the one who'll help him be a better person...Yeah, right. I cannot just wait around and see. Here's another what if : What if he doesn't?

So the other night, after I finally got the response to a test I put him through (I made him jealous, so sue me), I was okay, until he clammed up and said to talk about himself would be boring so better not. That's when I said he was being unfair. The next day, it was like nothing happened and he asked if we could go out. I told him this: "I don't know. We might not have nothing to talk about since I can't ask about you." He didn't answer.

So today, I sent him a message. Maybe an ultimatum. There were questions answerable only by yes or no (example: Are you a positive-thinker? Do you really like me not because you just want to have someone?). Then I told him, if he answers YES to all of them, then I will go out with him. If he answers NO to anyone of them, then we better stop everything. So far, he hasn't said a word. I had told him that if I don't receive a reply, then it's okay. I know the answer.


The day isn't over yet (or maybe he's still in the process of deciding). But if he doesn't answer, I really won't mind. I do not really want to waste my time with someone who thinks that his life is such a waste. I don't like wallowing in waste.

Maybe you're thinking why, when I obviously like him enough to bother write about him? You're right, I like him enough, but at this point in time -- no, at any point in time -- when it comes to love, I don't settle for "enough". I know "perfect" is impossible, so I'm just aspiring for at least, "better". If he doesn't prove to be that, then it doesn't matter if I lose him.

Do I love him? No, not yet, maybe never. I'm more in love with the idea of being in love. I wouldn't want to short-change him either. I will love him when I feel that I do. Right now, I don't, and he will do well to make more effort and not pity himself all the time just because he thinks he's smaller than I am. I just think everyone deserves to be loved.

__________________________________________________________________

P.S. He just sent me a message just now saying sorry for not replying earlier (hmmn, must be ESP). Have yet to talk about it so sorry for the suspense...

Many things to say...

...but not in the mood to say them. In fact, I'm more in the mood to read other people's posts. And I've got a lot of catching up to do. Not that anybody's requiring me, it's just myself requiring myself.

I wish I had more time in my hands. So let me just enumerate what had been on my mind today:

1. The qualifying exams I just took.
2. Somebody.
3. Why I said the Turtle result in one of the quizzes I posted reminded me of high school (someone asked, nyehee!)

All worth different posts.

Later.

Finally!!!!

After two months, I have finally done it...Last Sunday evening, I finally told my mother I resigned! Yeah, yeah, it took me this long, so sue me.

I really didn't have the heart to tell her...Wait. I did have the heart not to tell her during Christmas and as the year was about to change. Didn't want to dampen her spirits. Not that I was scared she would get angry because I knew she wouldn't. I just did not want her to worry about me. Besides, she was always sick the whole holiday season. Needless to say, last week, I let her believe I was working!

Well, I was, sort of. I had been doing unfinished business. Also sent out applications through e-mail last Friday, even when my credentials were sometimes not enough to complete their requirements. I scrimped on food to save money. Honestly think I lost several, if not a lot, of pounds.

Anyway, I was just simply scared and when I finally told her, for some reason, I started to cry, and I was thinking, "Hey, idiot, why the heck are you crying?!!!!" I really did not know why. I guess I was just letting out all the pent up emotions that I kept all these weeks. My mother was composed throughout the whole confession and told me that that is life, that there will be something better...Whew!!!! I just told her to please not worry about me...Now, about my father, I don't have to tell him anything. Sometimes, he even thinks I'm still in school! LOL!!!!

The next day, I stayed home in the province and got a text message from one of those companies I applied to. I was informed about qualifying exams for the position of Copy Editor and could I please reply to the number or call this certain other number to confirm. So I did and that made my day. I'm not sure if I will pass, actually, as I'm at a point where I can only think positive, but not be sure just the same. I'll just try my best.

Meanwhile, today, I met with my former boss, ate lunch with her and some of her former students, and talked till 8 p.m. She gave me lots of advice and asked me to give her my resume because she has lots of contacts. I also informed her that I am going to try and apply for the English/Filipino Writer position in a popular publication. She told me to really do so. Her friend works there and she knows they are actually starting several other publications. Her brother also works for a TV station and she told me she'll see. She also told me to try the other TV stations.

You know, talking to her really made me a bit braver, knowing that there maybe more jobs for me out there. If I can't find any, I will try working for a call center for a while. Why not? That is so in right now, and there are lots of centers looking for agents, plus they pay very well. However, call center or not, I will still continue looking for a job I will truly like, even if it pays much less. Life is not all about money, after all.

HERE'S TO BROADWAY!!!

http://herebroadway.multiply.com/
This is the group I created months ago. So far, we only have very few members (seven, he he he). My fault as I haven't 'advertised' it yet, so now, I am. So if you're interested, whoever you are, come and join us. I promise to make it interesting!

If you also have hi5 accounts, I have the a group of the same name there, too. That one's a bit more established now.

*************************************************

UPDATE (March 8, 2017): This page is, of course, non-existent now. I lost everything that was there, I think. I have only created a page on my WordPress titled HERE'S TO BROADWAY!!! as well. It's not a group anymore...Then again, and I honestly just thought about it now, maybe I'll create a new blog to create a new community of theatre lovers! We'll see...

Andrew Lloyd Webber's Really Useful Group

The Really Useful Group

 

The site for - you guessed it - Andrew Lloyd Webber and his numerous musicals. Lots of info you can gather. Better if you become a member for you'll have more access to pictures, post reviews of the musicals (whether for stage or film), listen to sample music, be updated on present productions or new projects, shop for recordings or movies of the musicals, even request to be given license to perform any ALW work (believe me, you can contact them as I did before).

Just make sure you read the terms and abide by them.

Dreams Journal

This is not my dream journal but it looks so nice, 'no? Click on it to read the original post

Yep, I started one last night, writing about the dreams I had for the past two nights. I figured I should for me to be able to analyze them better. But basically, I just want to remember them because I find my dreams often amusing and entertaining. More amusing are the people who become part of them, like actors/actresses that I don't personally know, even those I don't even like or hate. I also love mentioning when I see color. It's really rather frequent that I see at least one color, I realize.

Most of my dreams really do not make sense but last night, I was able to interpret three out of the five dreams I wrote down in the journal. As for last night, I know I had a dream, woke up, made a mental note to remember it, but now, I've forgotten. I also seemed to have a peaceful sleep because I woke up all relaxed and earlier than usual. Tried to sleep again but my body was rarin' to go.

But anyway, I'll see what my dreams have yet to churn out...