Mind Games

I just made a draft of my resignation letter. This has gone too far. I will not stand anymore for such unfair and inhuman treatment of us lesser individuals by the powers-that-be. In that letter, I explained the reasons why I want to leave. I wasn't harsh. In fact, I was respectful. But I was frank about the problem with the salary (over-delay of release) and hinted about the lack of light source and ventilation.

I finally did this due to what happened yesterday. We were supposed to be paid last July 10. Since that was a Sunday, I thought maybe it would, at least, be on the next day. But no, they made lots of excuses and, instead, blamed it on the then-Production Manager and us. For the nth time, we posted a summary and copies of our works in the stupid e-group which wouldn't post the artists' works anymore due to lack of "space". The PM created a whole new e-group the week before just so the artists could post there. 

Actually, he collated everyone's work and summary of projects done and e-mailed them to the Big Boss before resigning via YM. Ha! Beat that! He was brave since he didn't sign any contract yet. Lucky him. On the other hand, he was unlucky because he left his old job for this only to be blamed, called stupid and incompetent, etcetera. And he had not been here for a month yet! 

The week went by and there was no money to be had. Came Monday. We were promised we would be paid Friday. I thought that was taking very long already, but okay, as long as they were sure. So the production staff came to work even when we were broke (one even needed money for his daily medicine, which didn't come cheap). 

For the third time, Management changed schedules - from 8am to 5pm schedule to 9pm to 6am, then 12mn to 8am and, now back to 8am to 5pm. What is this?!!! I was okay with change of schedules, but not this erratic! They made it evening before because the Boss would be in the US and he wanted us to be online while it was day there. Then he complained that 9 to 6 wasn't right (when it was his idea) and changed the schedule to a much later time. He said that was because not much were done during the previous sked. Duh! Like, the number of hours are the same, hello! 

The others wanted to complain, especially one of the girls. It really wasn't safe to go out and travel at such hours. So what happened everyone still came early, even me. The only consolation was we had more time to surf the Net, at least.

Anyway, yesterday, we were here in the morning. Then Management said, "Oh! Sorry! They held off the cheque at the other office." What the - ! The other office, which is somewhere else, has no right to hold it. It's our salary! Over-delayed at that! I could explain to you the "other" office, but that would be rumor-mongering, so I won't anymore.

I'm not sure if what they said was true or just one of Management's tactics. Idiots! If it were true, how could that happen? My previous employer had lots more workers but they always paid us on time. It's not that hard to prepare a cheque. Here, they promised us Monday and still, no result by Friday??? Couldn't they do something about it? Their employees aren't rich, Management knows that. If we were, we wouldn't be here saying yes to salary rates much lower than what our contemporaries in the same fields are getting. And then they delay the release of our already measly incomes? HOW DARE THEY!!!!!! 

At lunch break yesterday, I heard the production staff plan not to go to work in the afternoon. When I got back to the office, I found out they made true their threat. So I left also. I wasn't going to stay and be with the Operations Manager-cum-B**ch (OMB). She was the only one left there and I wasn't going to be the one to guard the office. For sure, she would be telling me to do this or that. No way, Jose.

Today, I was on time, at 8am. I was the first one there. Seemed like the production staff weren't coming anytime soon, if at all. The Production Assistant (PA), who is a part of the Management, arrived. Then since there's no key yet, she left to go to the house of the OMB. The Head Technician came and we got to talking and, since he had been here much longer, I found out more ugly stuff about this company. 

Anyway, it was way-past 9am and the PA still hadn't come back. That pissed me off. If the OMB was having tantrums and did not want to open the office, the PA could have, at least, come back to tell me or the guy she talked to who was also waiting there before the technician arrived. I said at 10am, I would be leaving. I actually did not want to go to work, to be honest. At ten, I stood up to leave and lo and behold! There they were, in the OMB's car, arriving. I cursed myself for not leaving sooner.

So here I am, working. But I'm leaving after this and make up some excuse. It's not a very encouraging place to work in, really.

So the drama continues...

  

Hello, Goodbye

Exaggerated some like ulcer, but basically, I was honest...except that I really want say nasty things to him...LOL!!!!!!! 

Dear Mister Evil,

First of all, let me thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve your company as Copywriter despite my lack of experience in the field. However, it is with regret that I now tender my resignation.

This letter is to formally inform you of my intent of leaving. This should give you ample time to find a suitable and, hopefully, better replacement. I shall stay and work for 30 days, should I be required.

I made the decision due mainly to three concerns - professional, financial, and health-related.

First. I realized that perhaps, I do not have the qualities you are looking for in a copywriter. This is as evidenced by the almost-constant rejection of copies I make. It seems I do not meet your expectations after all and as a writer, this bothers me. As your company is in that important stage of "expanding", you need  an experienced copywriter, not someone you need to teach. I do not want to be seen as more of a liability rather than an asset.

Second.  At this point in time, I am expected to be independent already. However, the opposite has happened. Due to the over-delay of salary releases, my independence has been affected tremendously. I have become the parasite I have always hated, feeding off other people's kindness. I now owe friends more debts than ever. I have become a burden to my family who give me a little allowance every week when I should be helping in putting food on the table and buying much-needed medicines. My mother is now indebted to a lot of people, too, because of me who need money every week. Lastly, it is rather humiliating to promise to pay the landlady for board and lodging and then give her nothing and no definite answer as to when I can exactly pay. 

I cannot anymore let this go on and be always worried about where to get my next meal or the money for bus fare.This is not called independence.

Third. Due to lack of money, my diet has consisted of mainly canned food and rice since Day One. Sometimes, I do not  even eat rice. It is now over a month and things are still the same, which should not be so. The constant changing of the working schedule has also affected my body clock and worsened my mild ulcer. Migraines seem to visit me more than thry usually do due to lack of sleep and food, and to minimal light source and ventilation at work.  

I have lost a considerable amount of weight, which may be good for the time-being but could be detrimental in the long-run. This, out of all the three, is what concerns me most. I do not want to sacrifice my health or it may all just go downhill from there. It will affect everything, including work.

Therefore, as aforementioned, I now tender my resignation.

Again, thank you. 

Respectfully, (yeah, right)

Lildovefeather

****************************************************

UPDATE: I edited the letter before I sent it. The updated version is in the comments.

Serving my Hero

"My oldest memory dates way back when I was just a year old. Many people do not remember things at this age so perhaps, you don’t believe me. But I do remember – and I remember a lot – and am sure of it. I have a picture to prove it, in fact. At least, to myself. Old and sepia-colored, that picture is still very dear to my heart..."

I shared this in my other personal blog This is the UPDATED/EDITED version:

So Basically, We're Trash

Well, that's what the Big Boss called the stuff we had been working on for days (nights, to be more literal), He and the Production Manager IM'd each other yesterday and he complained about everything, calling the fruits of our labor uglies and mistakes. He complained about the artworks and the contents (most of which, he approved before he left for the States). Yadda-yadda-yadda...  

All he did was to insult the whole production staff. He didn't exactly complain about my work, but he said the contents were wrong and attributed it to the Production Manager's "inability to handle the job". He said our work won't even pass US standards. Then he went and told us to consult a copy of an American publication for reference. Guess what? I almost puked. It was...eeewww...He thought that just because it's America, everything's better there.

No, I'm not insulting my American friends here. Sorry if you thought so. I'm actually insulting the Big Boss, his crab mentality, and his un-creative personality. The least he could do was to show us a very good example of an American publication. To be fair, I think that was a publication done by Filipinos. That's not the point, though.

Besides, I think he's just making things up. Part of his tactics. I've heard what he has been doing, using stuff created by artists and discarded as trash by him before until the artists leave. Of course, saves him money as he doesn't need to pay absent people compensation. Truth is, the stuff I've seen here aren't all that good. But there are some that are actually are. Funny, but he particularly "hated" the lay-out done by the better artist here. 

What's worst was he said he wouldn't pay the artists for such badly done jobs. WTF! Although I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be one of the artists he mentioned, it's still isn't fair. Let him try and I'll quit. After all, he can't make me stay if he doesn't pay me. 

So here I am, fuming, and trying to write less creative contents for ads. He wants me to say things point-blank, I'll give him point-blank. Can't help it, though, so I'm adding a bit of spice so the ads won't be so icky, at least.   

I am so out of here once I get the chance. Today - er - yesterday afternoon, I took an exam as a Copy Editor someplace where the working conditions are better, at least, and people are more professional...I just wish I get paid. I really have no money already!

Just say sorry...I think...

May 11. She sent me a text message. "Ate Gi, Happy Birthday! I know we didn't part ways well. But I would like to say I'm sorry, if ever you're mad at me and if ever I wronged you. For me, you're still the godmother of my baby."

I used to say that it's really easy to make me forgive people, if they knew. Just say sorry and I'd forgive them instantly. But this time, I don't know if I'm ready to do that. A part of my hard heart melted, yes, but a bigger part wasn't, isn't, ready. I cannot simply forgive someone who refuses to believe that she did do me wrong and sugar-coats her apologies with if-ever's to give the illusion that she has no idea whatsoever. It's like saying the problem actually lay on me alone.

Really, if she didn't use her if-ever's and simply said, "I'm sorry for doing you wrong", I could've accepted the apology right there and then. So, I gave her a general reply to greeters: "Thank you for all your greetings, friends." I would have added the truth, that I would never, ever take it out on her innocent kid. But then, if I did, we would have to start being chummy again and I didn't want that. I didn't want to be "plastic" and act like all was well between us.

Somebody advised me to yes, just forgive her. But the truth was I did try. Last Holy Week. I told myself I would forgive those who hurt me. Yet, when it came to her, I couldn't. So this was what being betrayed feels like! So I told my adviser to give me time, that it's easier this way that I'm far from that someone so that in time, I could learn to forgive.

But right now, they would all have to wait until I do.

A WEEK IN THIS BUM'S LIFE

Well, so far, not much luck with the job-hunting. Sometimes, I'm tempted to scream, "What is wrong with me?????!!!!!!!!!" But seriously. Anyway, my room is a mess. No kidding. Because I've been going through some old stuff, getting rid of things I don't want anymore. I'm actually glad to find myself having outgrown many things that I can finally let go of them.

At the same time, while ransacking everything, I've been amusing myself by reading some of the stories and "novelettes" I wrote when I was younger. I get amused because of the wrong grammar, the loopholes that I never noticed before, and basically, the shallowness of the stories. But I keep them because they remind me of how I've evolved as a writer. Plus, I can get some ideas from them, too. Some of the stuff I re-discovered are those that I've kept as notes and references for future use.

As I mess with the room, the actual plan is to clean it up and re-decorate for the nth time. Which would make you laugh if you'll see the state it is in right now. It's taking me long because of the re-reading, the goings-through, the cleaning, etcetera. I'm trying to get rid of a lot of junk which were not junk at all even months ago! Also, trying to arrange stuff according to what they are and what they are supposed to be for. Once in a while, I move and clean some things in the living room to make it more presentable.

Aside from this messy activity, I watch TV and, once in a while, some flicks. As I still couldn't watch Phantom of the Opera in the movie house alone, I borrowed somebody else's copy...AARRGGHH!!! I've been had!!!! It had the cover of the new P.O.T.O., but the movie was actually another version done just a few years ago, non-musical. Sheesh!!!! That was why I kept waiting for more singing and waiting for familiar songs. That was why I never saw Andrew Lloyd Webber's name, nor Minnie Driver's, nor the other casts'. And that was why it was very gory!...Shoot.

Anyway, last Wednesday, I went to my high school friend's house. She was back from the States after, I think, more than five years. We were not able to talk much, sadly. Still, it was a surprise that of all the things she could really tell her other friends who were also there about me was, "She's the girl who used to write 'books' when we were in high school." I think I blushed. Then her sister, whom I never knew read my stuff before, told me to share more to them. Really, it did something good for my ego a bit. Well, I did promise to share, so I will.

My friend also gave me something that I won't forget. Actually, prior to going to her house, I did something nice for somebody else. What my friend did only made me believe more that kindness does have its rewards. In my case, one act of kindness was returned to me a thousand fold, literally.

Okay, that's it so far. A week in this bum's life!

SELF-STUDY

Test the Wind

To test the wind
I must learn to fly,
but clip my wingsand my dreams shall die.

My wings spread out
for me to see
what plans has God
laid out for me.


Copyright © 2004 J.Gi Federizo


For two consecutive nights now, I have stayed up really late doing solo workshops - just me, myself, and I. I have been teaching myself and updating my knowledge on more computer graphics stuff. Basically, I‘m the teacher and the student.

You see, I have noticed that some companies are looking for graphic artists. Most of the time, they need people who are proficient, at least, in Corel Draw and Adobe.As computer graphics are really my interests and as I have background in several different programs (due to the nature of my last job), I have been sending out resumes.

However, “proficient” isn’t really the right word to call me as of now that is why I‘m studying stuff so that if ever I get interviewed or be made to take some qualifying tests, maybe I‘ll have more chance. So far, I‘m just proficient in Powerpoint, Photodraw, Paint, and Publisher, and companies aren’t really keen on those. I know a bit about Corel Draw 8.0 and Adobe Pagmaker 6.5, so now I‘m studying more advanced versions. Still need to explore, too, the Printmaster 10 thingy.

Now, to some, these maybe amateurish already, but that’s what I am, an amateur. But since that seems enough for some companies, I‘m trying my luck.

Would’ve also applied for video editor positions. However, I only know linear editing as that’s what I had been doing for years due to the “old” editing machine available. During the basic video production workshop I attended before, however, we did a bit of non-linear editing. I guess I will brush up on that soon. I only have the primitive Adobe Premiere 5.0, though, but at least, I know how things should go, I know the principles to follow .

Non-graphic positions aside, I‘ve brought from home old college notes and hand-outs to familiarize me again with journalism and editing (as I‘ve learned a lesson from a recent experience). I also plan on familarizing myself with I.T. terms (also because of that experience). And – oh! - gotta ask my friend how she found out her actual typing speed. Companies actually inquire about that.

As for my true love – writing – all I can really do is cross my fingers. It seems my chances are rather slim. It seems my background isn’t enough to “back” me up.

So far.

*SMILING*

Well, today, I woke up really late. Why wouldn't I? I spent the night (and dawn) reading about schizophrenia and sociopathy and...well, you get the idea. Good news: I'm not schizophrenic. Not yet, anyway :D

Met a friend I haven't really seen for quite a while. She said something, a praise, which I feel I didn't deserve, but what the heck? It felt good. She treated me for lunch (brunch, on my part).

Lastly, I finally had more time to catch up on many past posts here :)

I'm smiling. Maybe shallow reasons. But I'm smiling anyway :)

"PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL"

Well, that's what it said when I opened my e-mail. Private, my foot, I'm sharing this:

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Li'l Dove Feather,

We refer to your application for the position of Copy Editor.

We have given your application further consideration and regret to inform you that we have decided to move on to another candidate whose experience and qualifications best meet the requirements of the job on hand.

Although we cannot pursue your application on this occasion, please allow us to keep your details for further reference. We hope to call on you should another work opportunity arise in the near future.

We would like to thank you for your interest in the position and for taking the time to see us. May we also take this opportunity to wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Regards,
Sender

Oh, well, I did not expect to make it, anyway. In fact, I would be surprised if they decided to get me. The moment that I tried filling up their application forms when I was there and couldn't understand some stuff, I already had a feeling. Then I took the qualifying tests which I could've done better if I went there more prepared. I thought I was prepared. Served me right.

Also, I'm not sure I'd like to work there, anyway. The stuff I edited were too technical for me (not to mention, boring) and the last part of the tests made me laugh because I almost couldn't answer a freakin' thing!!! Too technical. But, of course, even so, it still would have been nice if I passed them. Oh, well, at least now, I have an idea on what to prepare on next time :)

I'm baaaaaccckkkkk!!!!

Just got back this afternoon in Manila. Hadn't been here of an hour yet when my friend Jenny said there was going to be volleyball practice.

So, because I wasn't prepared, I played wearing 3/4-long sleeves, slacks that I had to keep rolling up again and again because they were long and I could trip, and bare-footed since I couldn't use my non-rubber shoes (heck, they're not even allowed to step on the NBA-inspired court! It's rubber shoes or bust!)...

So yeah, it was a very nice evening. I hurt a toe for some reason I don't know, and it bled a little, but yeah, it was worth it :)

I think I should keep on playing sports or going to the gym (for free, he he) just so I could become more fit (not saying I am already...I so am not so I really need to shape up). Before I left home, I tried on some old clothes and was surprised they fit well enough again. And here I was worried that I probably got bigger due to the practically sedentary life I had been living while at home. Just goes to show that we can't be right all the time. After the game, we even saw somebody we knew and he said I looked thinner...Yey!!!!...Yeah, vanity, but hey, cut me some slack, okay?...LOL!!!!!!!

One really good thing about slacking at home - I don't have dark circles around my eyes anymore. I still slept late, but I had more sleep time :) Still, kids, don't try this at home! :D

Anyway, I wasn't surprised anymore to find that I have lots of posts to catch up on again. I'm not complaining, of course. I really would like to read ALL of them. Now that I'm back here, I'll be able to catch up again.

But, of course, my main goal is to find a job. My problem is, always, either I'm under-qualified, over-qualified, or not qualified at all :( Not losing hope, though. I'm not a quitter!

A funny thing...I found out that my sister is also planning on resigning. She's not in good terms with her boss and based on the stories I've heard, I can see why...Ha ha!!! She's my sister, alright!!!

...Toodles!!!!