SELF-STUDY

Test the Wind

To test the wind
I must learn to fly,
but clip my wingsand my dreams shall die.

My wings spread out
for me to see
what plans has God
laid out for me.


Copyright © 2004 J.Gi Federizo


For two consecutive nights now, I have stayed up really late doing solo workshops - just me, myself, and I. I have been teaching myself and updating my knowledge on more computer graphics stuff. Basically, I‘m the teacher and the student.

You see, I have noticed that some companies are looking for graphic artists. Most of the time, they need people who are proficient, at least, in Corel Draw and Adobe.As computer graphics are really my interests and as I have background in several different programs (due to the nature of my last job), I have been sending out resumes.

However, “proficient” isn’t really the right word to call me as of now that is why I‘m studying stuff so that if ever I get interviewed or be made to take some qualifying tests, maybe I‘ll have more chance. So far, I‘m just proficient in Powerpoint, Photodraw, Paint, and Publisher, and companies aren’t really keen on those. I know a bit about Corel Draw 8.0 and Adobe Pagmaker 6.5, so now I‘m studying more advanced versions. Still need to explore, too, the Printmaster 10 thingy.

Now, to some, these maybe amateurish already, but that’s what I am, an amateur. But since that seems enough for some companies, I‘m trying my luck.

Would’ve also applied for video editor positions. However, I only know linear editing as that’s what I had been doing for years due to the “old” editing machine available. During the basic video production workshop I attended before, however, we did a bit of non-linear editing. I guess I will brush up on that soon. I only have the primitive Adobe Premiere 5.0, though, but at least, I know how things should go, I know the principles to follow .

Non-graphic positions aside, I‘ve brought from home old college notes and hand-outs to familiarize me again with journalism and editing (as I‘ve learned a lesson from a recent experience). I also plan on familarizing myself with I.T. terms (also because of that experience). And – oh! - gotta ask my friend how she found out her actual typing speed. Companies actually inquire about that.

As for my true love – writing – all I can really do is cross my fingers. It seems my chances are rather slim. It seems my background isn’t enough to “back” me up.

So far.

*SMILING*

Well, today, I woke up really late. Why wouldn't I? I spent the night (and dawn) reading about schizophrenia and sociopathy and...well, you get the idea. Good news: I'm not schizophrenic. Not yet, anyway :D

Met a friend I haven't really seen for quite a while. She said something, a praise, which I feel I didn't deserve, but what the heck? It felt good. She treated me for lunch (brunch, on my part).

Lastly, I finally had more time to catch up on many past posts here :)

I'm smiling. Maybe shallow reasons. But I'm smiling anyway :)

"PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL"

Well, that's what it said when I opened my e-mail. Private, my foot, I'm sharing this:

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Li'l Dove Feather,

We refer to your application for the position of Copy Editor.

We have given your application further consideration and regret to inform you that we have decided to move on to another candidate whose experience and qualifications best meet the requirements of the job on hand.

Although we cannot pursue your application on this occasion, please allow us to keep your details for further reference. We hope to call on you should another work opportunity arise in the near future.

We would like to thank you for your interest in the position and for taking the time to see us. May we also take this opportunity to wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Regards,
Sender

Oh, well, I did not expect to make it, anyway. In fact, I would be surprised if they decided to get me. The moment that I tried filling up their application forms when I was there and couldn't understand some stuff, I already had a feeling. Then I took the qualifying tests which I could've done better if I went there more prepared. I thought I was prepared. Served me right.

Also, I'm not sure I'd like to work there, anyway. The stuff I edited were too technical for me (not to mention, boring) and the last part of the tests made me laugh because I almost couldn't answer a freakin' thing!!! Too technical. But, of course, even so, it still would have been nice if I passed them. Oh, well, at least now, I have an idea on what to prepare on next time :)

I'm baaaaaccckkkkk!!!!

Just got back this afternoon in Manila. Hadn't been here of an hour yet when my friend Jenny said there was going to be volleyball practice.

So, because I wasn't prepared, I played wearing 3/4-long sleeves, slacks that I had to keep rolling up again and again because they were long and I could trip, and bare-footed since I couldn't use my non-rubber shoes (heck, they're not even allowed to step on the NBA-inspired court! It's rubber shoes or bust!)...

So yeah, it was a very nice evening. I hurt a toe for some reason I don't know, and it bled a little, but yeah, it was worth it :)

I think I should keep on playing sports or going to the gym (for free, he he) just so I could become more fit (not saying I am already...I so am not so I really need to shape up). Before I left home, I tried on some old clothes and was surprised they fit well enough again. And here I was worried that I probably got bigger due to the practically sedentary life I had been living while at home. Just goes to show that we can't be right all the time. After the game, we even saw somebody we knew and he said I looked thinner...Yey!!!!...Yeah, vanity, but hey, cut me some slack, okay?...LOL!!!!!!!

One really good thing about slacking at home - I don't have dark circles around my eyes anymore. I still slept late, but I had more sleep time :) Still, kids, don't try this at home! :D

Anyway, I wasn't surprised anymore to find that I have lots of posts to catch up on again. I'm not complaining, of course. I really would like to read ALL of them. Now that I'm back here, I'll be able to catch up again.

But, of course, my main goal is to find a job. My problem is, always, either I'm under-qualified, over-qualified, or not qualified at all :( Not losing hope, though. I'm not a quitter!

A funny thing...I found out that my sister is also planning on resigning. She's not in good terms with her boss and based on the stories I've heard, I can see why...Ha ha!!! She's my sister, alright!!!

...Toodles!!!!

Faces That I Love To Hate!

LOL!!!! Just wanted to "share" some Filipina faces that I have come to love and hate looking at. Love, because I find them very beautiful. Hate, because, hey, I want those!!!!!! LOL!!!!!

Below are some sites.

Amanda Griffin (Filipino-British)
I really like her because not only is she very pretty, she's also versatile and business-minded. A go-getter... http://www.amandagriffin.com/

Heart Evangelista (Filipino-Chinese, or Chinoy)
Very Chinoy looking. I find her very pretty. I just like looking at her. Period. She has yet to outgrow her tweetums phase. Too saccarinish (did I spell that right?).
http://heart.pinoycentral.com/

Donita Rose (Filipino-American)
I have always liked her. Versatile and fun, too :)
http://www.donitarose.com

There's also this other Filipina beauty that I like/hate looking at now, Juliana Palermo. She looks very Filipina! Can't post photo of her, though, since everytime I search for pics of her, I end up with - uh - not so wholesome shots, he he...Search for yourself, if you want!



UPDATE (August 2017): Either my taste or they changed. I do still like Donita for being Donita. And I haven't seen Amanda in ages. This list should've included Angel Aquino. She's so classic!...I'll not start by enumerating the new faces I've come to like, though. 

*sigh*

I had wanted to give someone "a taste of his own medicine". I actually started and got what I was first looking for. But then I realized I can never really be evil. I could'nt take revenge. It wasn't really for revenge, but just to teach a lesson, but hey, who was I kidding? So I decided to stop it there. Then I got the surprise of my life!

And now, I don't exactly know what to do...I guess, maybe, it's over and done with. So again, as always, I move on...




UPDATE (August 2017): I have zero idea now what this was about, who it was supposed to be.  But one thing that hasn't really changed about me is I'm not one to take revenge. Doesn't really mean I don't try (I'm not an angel), but when it comes to exacting one, I'm a wimp. Not scared of the other party, no. Just scared of being becoming bad, know what I mean? I'm not perfect. I get angry. I'm not above cursing at times. But taking revenge is something else entirely.

AGENDA while I'm at home:

1. Take care of my dad.
2. Exercise!!!!
3. Write, write, write!!!!
4. Keep house
5. Give someone a taste of own medicine...(bwahahaaaa!!!!)

Videoke Queen and King!

As I said in my previous post, I went to my aunt's house to join the merry-making. Later, they would not let me leave and told me to spend the night there for there would be singing. Sure enough, at around 6 p.m., her sister-in-law (SIL), SIL's husband, and some men set up a videoke machine right in front of the house! They also set up a table for a drinking session (why there should always be drinking sessions, I don't quite get...Okay, I do, but I don't quite approve).

My cousin started singing a series of songs. She had a very nice voice that I never knew she had before. Then the men sang. After an hour of trying not to, I sang also, choosing The Journey and then, Superwoman. Might as well enjoy if I had to stay there...OMG, I had butterflies in my stomach!!! I have sang several times in public before (some friends have forced me to sing for them during their weddings), but always, ALWAYS, I got an attack of stage fright!

Anyway, the machine kept giving away high scores and was obviously rigged, but stupid machine wouldn't even grant me a 100% score! Finally, after several attempts, when I sang the song Don't Cry Joni (yeah, really old song, but I love it anyway) and did both the male and female voices, it granted my wish, LOL!!!! So that was all I needed to do: just show my multiple personalities!!! Ha ha!!!

I gained a sort of fan, though. Another guest kept watching mr while I sang. He would sing and clap, then he laughed, especially when I did that Joni song. He was a funny guy (well, as far as I could tell, unless that was just all for show), and quite cute, I might add ;p I had to keep a straight face and pretend that I didn't notice him looking.

I started telling myself I was just being silly and feeling-era (feels like she is something more that she really is). I was near believing it except he approached me, leaned down to where I sat, and asked me in such giddy fashion, eye-to-eye, to find the song Gusto Kita (I Like You). Good thing it was a bit dark where I sat or people would've seen me blushing. I gave him the number code using a matter-of-fact tone just to hide my surprised expression. Then he kept doing ad libs, giving little hints as he sang three romantic songs. I just sang along as if I didn't notice anything about it, pretending to be clueless.

I guess he really had no choice than to flirt with me instead, LOL!!! Why not? Look at the candidates: my much-older aunt, the lesbian good singer cousin, my aunt's married SIL, my other cousin who was very-married and Very-married Cousin's friend who kept quiet the whole night and was no fun at all. Then there was me. Ergo, no choice but me, I tell ya :D Lucky me!

Unfortunately, his already-drunk cousin came and joined us. Drunk Cousin (DC) kept announcing and teasing me that I was a snob because I kept snobbing him when I lived there. Long story, but he was exaggerating, plus he did deserve it. DC kept irritating me before because he wanted to talk, I didn't. My aunt didn't want him around either.

Anyway, DC's comments probably bothered the cute guy (his name was Jonathan, I found out) because he didn't even ask for my number :( When they cleaned up the place,  I was left with DC still needling me, talking about a lot of nonsense.

Oh, well, in life, there really are people you have to meet once in a lifetime...But I could really strangle that stupid drunk! Grrrr!!!!!!!!

Her House

It was fiesta (or the feast day/celebration dedicated to a place's patron saint) at my aunt’s little community last Sunday. I would not have gone if my mother had not been telling me to go. My aunt would be expecting me and sensitive that she was, I decided to go. After all, I lived there for more than a year years ago. But me being me, I decided to be more independent and left so I could enjoy life without bothering relatives.

Besides, I didn’t like being cooped up there every night with nothing to do but to either watch the mini-store, or to stare at the unplugged TV/radio. I was practically not allowed to ever turn any appliance on. In fairness, she did not allow her son to turn them on as much as possible either (he usually ignored her, anyway). She had this incredible notion that a few hours of turning them on would be equal to a big jump in the electricity bill. It being not my house, I followed the rules.

I also really had to always go home early after work. My aunt worked for the community, night-shift, while her son's shift at at work was during the evenings also. So what happened was I would go home, eat dinner, wash the dishes that got piled up there since lunchtime, then watch the store. Sometimes, she would turn the TV on and watch a little. Then at around eight, she closed the store and locked me and the dog inside. She seemed to think that the lock from inside would not be enough.

And so, I was left with really nothing to do. Sometimes, I just brought work home. Mostly, I lay in bed trying to sleep…We rarely even talked! Sometimes, I would talk to the son, he would pretend to listen but really, he was much more interested in calling his friends and talk about work, problems, and boys (yes he preferred boys). Couldn’t blame him, though. There were times that I really kept talking even though at the back of my mind, I had a feeling that he didn’t really want to listen or wasn’t really listening at all…I was so pathetic!

Add to that, the place was really a mess and a bit unsanitary. But who was I to complain right?

Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!! Can you imagine what I was going through? I had to get out of there even if it meant paying for bedspace in a boarding house. The main reason, actually, was I couldn’t keep going home early. The nature of my work demanded more time from me sometimes. One time, my then-boss and I worked till late at night finishing an institutional video. Boy, was my aunt pissed when I went home. She hated that she could not lock the door early. I knew then and there it wasn't going to be easy living there much longer.

One time, I just mentioned that someone from the village and who wasn't even a relative died days ago. She got all mad at me and raised her voice saying, "Why didn't you tell me?!!! You should've told me!" I stared at her dumbfounded. How was I to know which people she knew and that she would like to know if something like death happened to them? I grew up with her living away from the rest of her relatives.

So I left. Truth be told, the only things that I actually missed when I left were the lovable (but smelly) dog and the occasional cute (but usually lazy) guys that passed by the store.

Anyway, like I said, last Sunday, I came back. The dog, as I expected, had died of old age and there was a cute li’l one that has taken its place. The house had undergone renovations and now looks better and is actually much cleaner. My aunt offered to take me in again while I have no job. I declined. What, and completely go nuts? No, thank you.

My aunt and cousins were nice enough, but staying there would not have been a wise idea in the long run. It was a problem waiting to happen.

_________________________________________________________________

UPDATE (July 2017): Fast-forward to years after, Dear Aunt finally moved back to our village with her spawns. I can certainly tell you I made the right decision then. And now, I've made another decision to remove this kind of toxic in my life. To be fair with me, it's not totally my own decision--they put the wheels into motion when they began messing with and trying to run my life.

I had followed their ridiculous orders, always kept myself in check when dealing with them, tolerated their being "user-friendly", and in the end, who is still the loser but me? Because I freaking let them do it to me! But they have pushed me to the edge that I can now comfortably say "good riddance". Yes, I gave them what they wanted, but this benefits me--it has given an end to what binds me to them.

I have no more obligations to them, in fact, I never did have any except they insisted on it, and the kind of person that I am--was--let them dictate otherwise just to keep the peace that was never really there.

No wonder nobody loves them.

Two things to say:

1. My body is freakin' aching!!!! Played volleyball yesterday after a long while of not playing. Didn't warm up and hadn't been exercising the past days so, yeah, what did I expect????

2. One roommate talked about her pathetic lovelife again. Over and over and over, she complains about her cheating boyfriend. Over and over and over, she asks me what to do. Sometimes, I just tell her not to tell me anything anymore. In my exasperation, I asked her, "What was your childhood trauma?!!!"

Yeah, evil of me, but after how many years of putting up with her nonsensical love journeys, years of her letting men abuse her emotions, I have no one to blame...Good thing she didn't know what I meant by childhood trauma...But she keeps asking me because she knows I tell it as it is. After all, she never really listens, grrr!!!!