Faces That I Love To Hate!

LOL!!!! Just wanted to "share" some Filipina faces that I have come to love and hate looking at. Love, because I find them very beautiful. Hate, because, hey, I want those!!!!!! LOL!!!!!

Below are some sites.

Amanda Griffin (Filipino-British)
I really like her because not only is she very pretty, she's also versatile and business-minded. A go-getter... http://www.amandagriffin.com/

Heart Evangelista (Filipino-Chinese, or Chinoy)
Very Chinoy looking. I find her very pretty. I just like looking at her. Period. She has yet to outgrow her tweetums phase. Too saccarinish (did I spell that right?).
http://heart.pinoycentral.com/

Donita Rose (Filipino-American)
I have always liked her. Versatile and fun, too :)
http://www.donitarose.com

There's also this other Filipina beauty that I like/hate looking at now, Juliana Palermo. She looks very Filipina! Can't post photo of her, though, since everytime I search for pics of her, I end up with - uh - not so wholesome shots, he he...Search for yourself, if you want!



UPDATE (August 2017): Either my taste or they changed. I do still like Donita for being Donita. And I haven't seen Amanda in ages. This list should've included Angel Aquino. She's so classic!...I'll not start by enumerating the new faces I've come to like, though. 

*sigh*

I had wanted to give someone "a taste of his own medicine". I actually started and got what I was first looking for. But then I realized I can never really be evil. I could'nt take revenge. It wasn't really for revenge, but just to teach a lesson, but hey, who was I kidding? So I decided to stop it there. Then I got the surprise of my life!

And now, I don't exactly know what to do...I guess, maybe, it's over and done with. So again, as always, I move on...




UPDATE (August 2017): I have zero idea now what this was about, who it was supposed to be.  But one thing that hasn't really changed about me is I'm not one to take revenge. Doesn't really mean I don't try (I'm not an angel), but when it comes to exacting one, I'm a wimp. Not scared of the other party, no. Just scared of being becoming bad, know what I mean? I'm not perfect. I get angry. I'm not above cursing at times. But taking revenge is something else entirely.

AGENDA while I'm at home:

1. Take care of my dad.
2. Exercise!!!!
3. Write, write, write!!!!
4. Keep house
5. Give someone a taste of own medicine...(bwahahaaaa!!!!)

Videoke Queen and King!

As I said in my previous post, I went to my aunt's house to join the merry-making. Later, they would not let me leave and told me to spend the night there for there would be singing. Sure enough, at around 6 p.m., her sister-in-law (SIL), SIL's husband, and some men set up a videoke machine right in front of the house! They also set up a table for a drinking session (why there should always be drinking sessions, I don't quite get...Okay, I do, but I don't quite approve).

My cousin started singing a series of songs. She had a very nice voice that I never knew she had before. Then the men sang. After an hour of trying not to, I sang also, choosing The Journey and then, Superwoman. Might as well enjoy if I had to stay there...OMG, I had butterflies in my stomach!!! I have sang several times in public before (some friends have forced me to sing for them during their weddings), but always, ALWAYS, I got an attack of stage fright!

Anyway, the machine kept giving away high scores and was obviously rigged, but stupid machine wouldn't even grant me a 100% score! Finally, after several attempts, when I sang the song Don't Cry Joni (yeah, really old song, but I love it anyway) and did both the male and female voices, it granted my wish, LOL!!!! So that was all I needed to do: just show my multiple personalities!!! Ha ha!!!

I gained a sort of fan, though. Another guest kept watching mr while I sang. He would sing and clap, then he laughed, especially when I did that Joni song. He was a funny guy (well, as far as I could tell, unless that was just all for show), and quite cute, I might add ;p I had to keep a straight face and pretend that I didn't notice him looking.

I started telling myself I was just being silly and feeling-era (feels like she is something more that she really is). I was near believing it except he approached me, leaned down to where I sat, and asked me in such giddy fashion, eye-to-eye, to find the song Gusto Kita (I Like You). Good thing it was a bit dark where I sat or people would've seen me blushing. I gave him the number code using a matter-of-fact tone just to hide my surprised expression. Then he kept doing ad libs, giving little hints as he sang three romantic songs. I just sang along as if I didn't notice anything about it, pretending to be clueless.

I guess he really had no choice than to flirt with me instead, LOL!!! Why not? Look at the candidates: my much-older aunt, the lesbian good singer cousin, my aunt's married SIL, my other cousin who was very-married and Very-married Cousin's friend who kept quiet the whole night and was no fun at all. Then there was me. Ergo, no choice but me, I tell ya :D Lucky me!

Unfortunately, his already-drunk cousin came and joined us. Drunk Cousin (DC) kept announcing and teasing me that I was a snob because I kept snobbing him when I lived there. Long story, but he was exaggerating, plus he did deserve it. DC kept irritating me before because he wanted to talk, I didn't. My aunt didn't want him around either.

Anyway, DC's comments probably bothered the cute guy (his name was Jonathan, I found out) because he didn't even ask for my number :( When they cleaned up the place,  I was left with DC still needling me, talking about a lot of nonsense.

Oh, well, in life, there really are people you have to meet once in a lifetime...But I could really strangle that stupid drunk! Grrrr!!!!!!!!

Her House

It was fiesta (or the feast day/celebration dedicated to a place's patron saint) at my aunt’s little community last Sunday. I would not have gone if my mother had not been telling me to go. My aunt would be expecting me and sensitive that she was, I decided to go. After all, I lived there for more than a year years ago. But me being me, I decided to be more independent and left so I could enjoy life without bothering relatives.

Besides, I didn’t like being cooped up there every night with nothing to do but to either watch the mini-store, or to stare at the unplugged TV/radio. I was practically not allowed to ever turn any appliance on. In fairness, she did not allow her son to turn them on as much as possible either (he usually ignored her, anyway). She had this incredible notion that a few hours of turning them on would be equal to a big jump in the electricity bill. It being not my house, I followed the rules.

I also really had to always go home early after work. My aunt worked for the community, night-shift, while her son's shift at at work was during the evenings also. So what happened was I would go home, eat dinner, wash the dishes that got piled up there since lunchtime, then watch the store. Sometimes, she would turn the TV on and watch a little. Then at around eight, she closed the store and locked me and the dog inside. She seemed to think that the lock from inside would not be enough.

And so, I was left with really nothing to do. Sometimes, I just brought work home. Mostly, I lay in bed trying to sleep…We rarely even talked! Sometimes, I would talk to the son, he would pretend to listen but really, he was much more interested in calling his friends and talk about work, problems, and boys (yes he preferred boys). Couldn’t blame him, though. There were times that I really kept talking even though at the back of my mind, I had a feeling that he didn’t really want to listen or wasn’t really listening at all…I was so pathetic!

Add to that, the place was really a mess and a bit unsanitary. But who was I to complain right?

Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!! Can you imagine what I was going through? I had to get out of there even if it meant paying for bedspace in a boarding house. The main reason, actually, was I couldn’t keep going home early. The nature of my work demanded more time from me sometimes. One time, my then-boss and I worked till late at night finishing an institutional video. Boy, was my aunt pissed when I went home. She hated that she could not lock the door early. I knew then and there it wasn't going to be easy living there much longer.

One time, I just mentioned that someone from the village and who wasn't even a relative died days ago. She got all mad at me and raised her voice saying, "Why didn't you tell me?!!! You should've told me!" I stared at her dumbfounded. How was I to know which people she knew and that she would like to know if something like death happened to them? I grew up with her living away from the rest of her relatives.

So I left. Truth be told, the only things that I actually missed when I left were the lovable (but smelly) dog and the occasional cute (but usually lazy) guys that passed by the store.

Anyway, like I said, last Sunday, I came back. The dog, as I expected, had died of old age and there was a cute li’l one that has taken its place. The house had undergone renovations and now looks better and is actually much cleaner. My aunt offered to take me in again while I have no job. I declined. What, and completely go nuts? No, thank you.

My aunt and cousins were nice enough, but staying there would not have been a wise idea in the long run. It was a problem waiting to happen.

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UPDATE (July 2017): Fast-forward to years after, Dear Aunt finally moved back to our village with her spawns. I can certainly tell you I made the right decision then. And now, I've made another decision to remove this kind of toxic in my life. To be fair with me, it's not totally my own decision--they put the wheels into motion when they began messing with and trying to run my life.

I had followed their ridiculous orders, always kept myself in check when dealing with them, tolerated their being "user-friendly", and in the end, who is still the loser but me? Because I freaking let them do it to me! But they have pushed me to the edge that I can now comfortably say "good riddance". Yes, I gave them what they wanted, but this benefits me--it has given an end to what binds me to them.

I have no more obligations to them, in fact, I never did have any except they insisted on it, and the kind of person that I am--was--let them dictate otherwise just to keep the peace that was never really there.

No wonder nobody loves them.

Two things to say:

1. My body is freakin' aching!!!! Played volleyball yesterday after a long while of not playing. Didn't warm up and hadn't been exercising the past days so, yeah, what did I expect????

2. One roommate talked about her pathetic lovelife again. Over and over and over, she complains about her cheating boyfriend. Over and over and over, she asks me what to do. Sometimes, I just tell her not to tell me anything anymore. In my exasperation, I asked her, "What was your childhood trauma?!!!"

Yeah, evil of me, but after how many years of putting up with her nonsensical love journeys, years of her letting men abuse her emotions, I have no one to blame...Good thing she didn't know what I meant by childhood trauma...But she keeps asking me because she knows I tell it as it is. After all, she never really listens, grrr!!!!

The Legend of the Turtle

Did you know that aside from Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello, there was a fifth Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles member?

This fifth member was a shy little girl in gradeschool. Then high school happened. The fact that she had to make new friends with kids who knew each other since gradeschool, were mostly more outspoken and liberated, were mostly more well-off, seemed like a smart lot, and mostly lived in the same freakin' town...Well, that was a lot to bear. Hey! She was thirteen! Just starting her teens. Psychologists are right when they say that the teen-age years are times for a lot of confusion and insecurities.

She soon again proved psychologists right. A change in her became noticeable. Short kid that she already was, she became shorter and developed a kind of humped back. She didn't even know. So her parents would say, "Stand straight! You're slumping again." She would not believe it, stood as straight as she thought she could, and said, "Here! See? I am standing straight!" But it was only when she checked herself out in the mirror one day did she realize they were right. Only then did she realize why the bullies sang the theme song for the Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles whenever she passed by. It was for fun, at her expense.

She had resented that they called her "mutant" and felt so ugly when all the while, they were pertaining more to the "turtle" part! In a sense, she was relieved and gradually corrected her Quasimodo posture. It was hard and it indeed hurt a bit, but the results were worth it. The teasing stopped and while it wasn't a quick "recovery" for her ego, she did gradually gain some form of respect later on. It was later in her senior year, during Home Economics class, that she found out why she became that way. The tendency to slump, according to a book, was a manifestation of great insecurity...Boy, was she quite the manifestation!

So now, that girl is no longer that turtle. Once in a while, she feels the insecurities adult life has so abundantly offers, but somehow, she manages even when she sometimes fails. Yet, she keeps the story alive by sharing it. She knows there is a lesson to be learned in there somewhere...

Do I even have to say who she is? ;p

Scared him?...Maybe not...

Him: I didn't want to talk about myself because I was afraid I'd disappoint you. I'm sorry...

Me: Hay naku!...How will I know if you're not going to tell me anything?

Him: I'm sorry, I'm really sorry...I'm really still single... (note: that was one of my questions)

Me: But did you answer YES to all of my questions?

Him: Yes, of course!...Now what did you want to know about me?

Not verbatim, of course, especially since most of our messages were in Filipino, but that was how it went. One of my questions before was "Are you a positive-thinker?", so when he gave me that "Yes, of course" reply, I just bit my tongue. He was afraid I'd be disappointed. Oh, yes, such positive-thinking!

Okay, when I talked about me hating negativity before, I hope I didn't offend anyone who's been struggling with his/her own demons. I know that everyone has his/her own issues in life, including myself. That is why I want a positive force to balance things out. I just hate it that this potential - uh - love (still can't say it naturally), if he does have potential, has more issues to grind than I do and appears to hate his life. I hope I'll be proven wrong in time, I really do.

In one of our conversations, I had asked him "How will you know if you don't act on it?" He stated this famous Filipino saying: "Kung di uukol, di bubukol." Translation: "If it isn't meant to be, there won't be any bumps." Well, it doesn't sound that good when translated literally, but it only means that if something isn't meant to be, it won't ever happen. It is really a good analogy. Unfortunately, it wasn't positive-thinking at all, given our topic.

So this was my reply: "But sometimes, you have to take the risk, even it means falling down and hitting your head, to be able to get that bump. Or else, if you simply stay safe and do nothing, you also get nothing." Probably doesn't sound nice in English, too, but you get the idea. He did, too, and agreed. Yet, getting the idea and actually acting on it are two entirely different things.

Still, I let it drop. If he's still this interested after all the things I said (though tactfully) -- things that could have hurt his already bruised ego, things that could've landed me in his hate-list if he had one -- then he must be worth another try. I give him credit for that, at least. Maybe that's positive-thinking enough.

Maybe he sees me as a kind of challenge. He did say he wanted someone who would not be saying yes to him every time, who could control him. Certainly, as he now knows, I'm no push-over, and while I don't intend to be a control-freak, I speak my mind out. He liked that in me, he told me so before...So now, I'm thinking, boy, this guy's a masochist!!!! LOL!!!!!

Masochist or not, he's free to try once more. And me, I'm not closing my door on him. But, my door isn't open for him alone. As of now, until I make any final decision, he must wait and bear it. And if he can't take the heat,...what's that they say? "Then get out of the kitchen!"

I may have scared him away...

"Please, don't expect too much. Having a relationship isn't my priority right now."

That's what I told him at the start. And I still actually stand by that. He insisted anyway, so I let him try his "luck" because of the ever-perennial question: What if...? So even when there were things that went/go against him -- one, he couldn't have helped anyway -- I let him try to get to know me. He still wants to, I know, and it's interesting that he does. In fact, I'm amazed that he does!

Yet, one thing that I cannot tolerate is negativity.

As I had told him before, I want a positive-thinker so that when I'm feeling negative, he can help me turn around and smile and think better of the situation. What I didn't include to say was, "I don't want a negative person because I do not want someone who will pull me down." But I have been studying his responses and the way I see it, he may have a lot of emotional baggage in his life.

Well, most people do, but they do not let that affect their whole lives. I honestly can't say for now that he is like that, but how will I know if he doesn't want to share? All we talk about is ME. I told him he was being unfair.

I am a bit mad because of that. I want to know what he thinks, how he really is. But he's just so jolly asking about my day. How does he expect me to make a decision? How, especially when I sense that he is insecure of what I am, who I am? At the start, I let him know already about myself, even the negative stuff, so he could decide already if he would pursue me. Still, he did...

Shoot. I wouldn't exactly mind if I would feel insecure about whoever's going to be my other half since I can handle that, but I didn't expect it to be the other way around. In the long run, this might complicate matters. I've heard of situations like this, and they're never pretty. Oh, yes, I have this romantic notion in my head that maybe I'll be the one who'll help him be a better person...Yeah, right. I cannot just wait around and see. Here's another what if : What if he doesn't?

So the other night, after I finally got the response to a test I put him through (I made him jealous, so sue me), I was okay, until he clammed up and said to talk about himself would be boring so better not. That's when I said he was being unfair. The next day, it was like nothing happened and he asked if we could go out. I told him this: "I don't know. We might not have nothing to talk about since I can't ask about you." He didn't answer.

So today, I sent him a message. Maybe an ultimatum. There were questions answerable only by yes or no (example: Are you a positive-thinker? Do you really like me not because you just want to have someone?). Then I told him, if he answers YES to all of them, then I will go out with him. If he answers NO to anyone of them, then we better stop everything. So far, he hasn't said a word. I had told him that if I don't receive a reply, then it's okay. I know the answer.


The day isn't over yet (or maybe he's still in the process of deciding). But if he doesn't answer, I really won't mind. I do not really want to waste my time with someone who thinks that his life is such a waste. I don't like wallowing in waste.

Maybe you're thinking why, when I obviously like him enough to bother write about him? You're right, I like him enough, but at this point in time -- no, at any point in time -- when it comes to love, I don't settle for "enough". I know "perfect" is impossible, so I'm just aspiring for at least, "better". If he doesn't prove to be that, then it doesn't matter if I lose him.

Do I love him? No, not yet, maybe never. I'm more in love with the idea of being in love. I wouldn't want to short-change him either. I will love him when I feel that I do. Right now, I don't, and he will do well to make more effort and not pity himself all the time just because he thinks he's smaller than I am. I just think everyone deserves to be loved.

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P.S. He just sent me a message just now saying sorry for not replying earlier (hmmn, must be ESP). Have yet to talk about it so sorry for the suspense...

Many things to say...

...but not in the mood to say them. In fact, I'm more in the mood to read other people's posts. And I've got a lot of catching up to do. Not that anybody's requiring me, it's just myself requiring myself.

I wish I had more time in my hands. So let me just enumerate what had been on my mind today:

1. The qualifying exams I just took.
2. Somebody.
3. Why I said the Turtle result in one of the quizzes I posted reminded me of high school (someone asked, nyehee!)

All worth different posts.

Later.