Just say sorry...I think...

May 11. She sent me a text message. "Ate Gi, Happy Birthday! I know we didn't part ways well. But I would like to say I'm sorry, if ever you're mad at me and if ever I wronged you. For me, you're still the godmother of my baby."

I used to say that it's really easy to make me forgive people, if they knew. Just say sorry and I'd forgive them instantly. But this time, I don't know if I'm ready to do that. A part of my hard heart melted, yes, but a bigger part wasn't, isn't, ready. I cannot simply forgive someone who refuses to believe that she did do me wrong and sugar-coats her apologies with if-ever's to give the illusion that she has no idea whatsoever. It's like saying the problem actually lay on me alone.

Really, if she didn't use her if-ever's and simply said, "I'm sorry for doing you wrong", I could've accepted the apology right there and then. So, I gave her a general reply to greeters: "Thank you for all your greetings, friends." I would have added the truth, that I would never, ever take it out on her innocent kid. But then, if I did, we would have to start being chummy again and I didn't want that. I didn't want to be "plastic" and act like all was well between us.

Somebody advised me to yes, just forgive her. But the truth was I did try. Last Holy Week. I told myself I would forgive those who hurt me. Yet, when it came to her, I couldn't. So this was what being betrayed feels like! So I told my adviser to give me time, that it's easier this way that I'm far from that someone so that in time, I could learn to forgive.

But right now, they would all have to wait until I do.